if I had a million dollars

Hello fair friends,

As soon as I get the camera back I will regale you with fantabulous pics of our happy Jesus day fun pirate scary holiday adventure!(T-that last bit was for you!)
I'm glad to see others have had a good holiday-it always seems to create more stress than it relieves, but we strive to rise above all that, right?!
I got some loverly things from friends and family, not the least is a black velvet opera cape from my husboard. Can I pick them or what? (not that I have another husband, but you know what I mean.)
And, after reading my sis-in-law's latest blog, I have to confess I have a package for her tots all ready to go. My plan is to actually run out the door at 7am with it in my hands this time instead of leaving it by the hall tree!

Blessings and best wishes to you all as we reach New Year's Eve,
E

give me a pen and paper

I need to remember something. When blogger asks if I want to delete all my current html, say no. Just say no. Now I have to re-enter all the sites I like looking at and the friend's blogs I like to go visit. arrggh!

Gratitude

Love your life, poor as it is. You may perhaps have some pleasant, thrilling, glorious hours, even in a poorhouse. The setting sun is reflected from the windows of the almshouse as brightly as from the rich man's abode.

Henry David Thoreau

Neti Magic

Back in the day I used to work for a wonderful lady who was an acupuncturist and naturopathic doctor. Among the many things I learned from her was the art of using a Neti pot. What's that, you ask? It is a magical, non-mechanical, stylish, handy dandy nose cleaner outer!
I have not been as faithful a user as I once was, but I still hold it in high esteem. The neti pot can help with symptoms from headaches to sinus infections and allergies. We have recently begun using a form of the Neti pot, the Neil-med on our youngest daughter who has had problems with her sinuses almost since birth.

Of course she is not too thrilled about having warm saline water shot up her nose at 6 o'clock in the morning, but it has already improved the clarity of her speech and her snot factor has decreased in volume and is not green any more!
With cold and flu season upon us, I recommend everyone get on the neti bandwagon and have a go at shooting water up their nose! Today!

Job-like

No, not job, Job, as in the man of many sorrows from the Old Testament...
So I'm driving along I205 no problems, speeding happily towards work when a great commotion commences under the hood of my precious 49 Volvo. It was just in the shop, I think, what the heck? I shakily make it to work, pull in to the parking lot and shudder to a stop. Call USAA for towing service. Tow man cometh. Starts car. Says, hey, that sound sounds familiar. Mind if I look under the hood? No, I say. He pops open the hood and low and behold a spark plug is missing. Missing, I say? Yes, he says. So the beast of burden is hauled off to the volvo hospital where they diagnose her with a missing spark plug. Less than $20 later we are back in business, picking the baby up tonight!
Then I get in to work and my computer won't turn on. Which is funny because I never turn it off. Not sure about that one. Get it turned on but then it won't connect to the server. So I reboot. It connects to the Internet just fine but not to our corporate connection. Yikes! I curse a little under my breath for good measure, reboot the bloody server again and yipee it works!
Then my mouse won't work. Two AA batteries later and I'm working along.
Theeeen I go to the bathroom and notice that my sort-of-new black tights have mirrored runs in them on the outside of my legs. dammit! Skirt gets pulled down a little bit more to hide this most egregious misstep. Nobody at Starbucks said anything so I think I was okay.

just a little job-like day.

post script

Computer is back and better than ever! (thank-you Old Town Computers!!)

Zakk has the flu so we gals are fending for ourselves-hopefully a night of a movie and popcorn to sooth the savage beasties!

Now I keep forgetting to charge my phone at home...I wish I could remember everything.

Alternaween: So this year we did things a little different. Somewhat out of necessity and somewhat to keep our sanity!
#1 was a black kitty kat and #2 was a little monkey with a built-in banana in her pocket! Dad was good enough to haul them around from Halloween spectacular at their preschool to our old babysitter's house so we could go out and see a fantastic show just we two!
The children had their fill of spooky cartoons and candy to last them until next year's "scary pirate halloween adventure"!

ps-no-one egged the house while we were gone-thank you NoPo's!

noties

home computer crashed.
alternative Halloween.
The Medium-awesome!
Lux Aterna-beautiful
don't leave phone charge at work.
write notes to people.

back for more later.

Fa Sol La Part I

I wanted to write this well crafted blog about my new found enthusiasm for shape note singing. But I only got as far as saving it in the edit phase with two sentences and a discontinued link to a website under construction. So I thought I'd try another angle.
I was trying to think of the reasons I have become so fascinated with shape note singing and the first thing that came to me was my childhood. My father was a chaplain for 20 years in the US Army. And before that he was a minister at a church in a small logging town in Oregon. I can't remember the first hymn tune I learned, or the first one I heard, but I can remember the joy I felt sitting next to my mom(when my dad was preaching) or both my parents and hearing them sing from the hymnal, sometimes looking down at the notes and the words, sometimes looking up at the alter, knowing the tune by heart. I would look around the room and see some people with their eyes closed, not even needing to look at the book. When I got to be about middle school age my goal became to learn harmony to the hymns I knew so well. My mother would sing treble with her beautiful soprano and I would weave my voice around hers in alto or tenor companionship. If I didn't always enjoy the sermon, which tended to happen especially when we had a southern baptist chaplain on post, I nearly always felt a connection to, and a feeling of happiness with my inner self, my family, and my god while the congregation sang. The churches I worshipped in usually had a piano or organ for accompaniment. When we lived in Germany we were blessed with an incredible organist who was classically trained and would play Bach and Wieder before the start of the service. There were pianists, organists, and sometimes a choir. If I could choose one experience that stands out for me as unique, though, I would pick the times we sang acapella. To be able to hear all the voices, men, women, children, quavery, melodious, airy or booming, without aid of accompaniment, this was something that felt special and made for a more intimate setting during worship.

That leads me to shape note singing...

My sister-in-law is missing

There is a hole in our lives where she should be. There is a place set at the table where she should sit. Come home.

La Dolce Diva: Renee Fleming

Two of my favorite things: opera and grand style!

La Dolce Diva | Fashion Model, Designer & Runway Show Videos from Style.com

Economics 101

I always knew that financial forcasting was best served up by the folks of the fashion world!

because you like it

This one's for the husband...the Reds are coming, and they're bringing cake...

we don't need no stinking mimeographs!

How did my day go?
Hey, thanks for asking!
I was hit on with the pick up line, "Hey, how's it goin'? Can I have one of your pens?".
I had to explain, in excruciatingly painful detail, to no less than three people how their own insurance company works.
Filed like I was a house on fire.
Had my triple grande non-fat latte from you-know-where.
Texted my husboard.
And made it home safely with my two little girlies in time for dinner prepared by their wonderful dad.
Ahhh.
"It's getting better all the time" (The Beatles)
And it's about damned time!

How did your day go?

a little ditty

"I Don't Like Mondays"

[Originally by The Boomtown Rats]

The silicon chip inside her head
gets switched to overload
and nobody's gonna go to school today
she's gonna make them stay at home
And Daddy doesn't understand it
He always said she was good as gold
And he can see no reason
Cos there are no reasons
What reasons do you need to be shown

Tell me why
I don't like Mondays
I want to shoot
The whole day down

The telex machine is kept so clean
and it types to waiting world.
And Mother feels so shocked
Father's world is rocked
And their thoughts turn to
Their own little girl
Sweet 16 ain't that peachy keen
No it ain't so neat to admit defeat,
They can see no reasons
Cos there are no reasons
What reasons do you need to be shown


All the playing's stopped in the playground now
She wants to play with her toys awhile
And school's out early and soon we'll be learning
That the lesson today is how to die
And then the bullhorn crackles
And the captain tackles
With the problems and the how's and why's
And he can see no reasons
Cos there are no reasons
What reasons do you need to die

To all me hearties...

This weekend is the 3rd Annual Portland Pirate Festival. Arrggh! But in a good way. My husband rolled his eyes and told me to have fun, but I think I might be able to pursuade him with the thought of eye patches and lots of non-gender specific facial hair. Ummm, maybe not. But I think the girls would have a rip-roaring time and that I might have fun in spite of myself! Besides, it's only about a 1/2 mile from our house so it would really be a shame to miss it.
Tomorrow's blog will tell. Wish me luck on the high seas...

Calm Before the Storm

beginnings of a completed thought.

there are several stages to a storm, specifically a tornado.
dust whirl stage
organizing
maturing
shrinking
decay

...and then the aftermath...

what stage is this thing in?
all I know is the winds are gathering speed, carrying things in their grasp.
The storm is coming.

Memory

You make me so very happy.




I'm so glad you came into my life.

you be great

Why is it I can go around talking to myself all day, thinking in my head all the wonderful tidbits I could add to a super stellar blog and when I sit down at the computer I can't manage to squeeze out one cohesive thought? I feel rusty in the writing department. Whenever I get home I manage to fix dinner, clean up, hang out with my wonderful man, read whatever is sitting on the night stand and then crash into bed. That does not leave a lot of room for composition.
I check some of my friends blogs and they have posted happy happy joy joy pictures and little capsules of fun descriptions of their simply wonderful happy happy lives and all I want to do is throw my very nice ready-for-fall shoes at the computer screen in what is probably a mixture of dissatisfaction, jealousy and depression. Probably not the most healthy response. But I can't find it in me to keep up appearances online. Sometimes I'll throw in a couple pictures of my beautiful kid-lits but most of the time I just write to get it all out of my head before it explodes.

I can' think of anything else to write for the moment. I'm sure I'll think of something profound while watching Mad Men. If you haven't yet, check that show out on AMC! It is swell!

scary pirate holiday adventure

OCP Company Picnic/Family Day at Oaks Park
Woohoo!!

Splish Splash Part 2

Sooo, after our lovely outing to the beach we all arrived home, tired but happy. I was downstairs doing something, Zakk was upstairs giving the girls a bath, when I heard Charlotte start screaming. It seems she had stood up in the bath, slipped on the tub plug, and slammed her head into the corner of the faucet. A blood bath(no pun intended) ensued, due to the wonderful reaction of warm water on a superficial facial cut. Hubby and I rushed her to the emergency room, leaving my parents with Abigail to finish up bath time and reassure her that baby sis was going to be okay. Fortunately the laceration was not very long or deep, and the nice folks in the ER put some Dermabond on the wound(Superglue for the medical world) and sent us on our way. I am pleased to say Charlotte was a complete trooper and didn't even cry when they had to clean out the wound and apply the glue. She is back to her old self, the wound is healing nicely, and she has managed to keep her butt in the tub, not perched on the ledge! One ER visit down, ?? to go!

nifty paper site

I just found this website while trolling for crafty things to look at.  The name is YellowOwl Workshop and I really enjoyed their stationary and more.  Some really clever ideas for invites and such.  They also do customized orders.  Check them out if you have a chance!

Splish Splash Part 1

Let me start by saying that I am not a jungle jane. I don't like heat, I am a pansy, I wilt, all the while griping and moaning. The reason I say this is because the dog days of August really came up and bit me in the ass. It was between 100 and 106 the past three days here in lovely PDX! It just happened to work out that one of those days, Sat., my parents were coming down so we could all take a day trip to beautiful Cannon Beach and Ecola State Park. All was packed and ready to go by 9am, a lovely taco salad picnic, fresh watermelon and some illegal beverages in the cooler. The list was checked twice and we all piled in for a day to beat the heat. It was a gorgeous day-sunny, a little wind, blue skies after a little mist coming over the mountain range. We drove in, set up at the park, and took a little walk before digging in. The only thing shadowing this lovely day is that I was having some hormonal issues and basically acted like a complete bitch from time to time, even telling my husband to shut up in front of lovely parents and adoring children. (sorry sweets!). After the fog wore off, as well as my attitude issues, we had a wonderful time, complete with dancing around with a whirly gig, watching a young couple get married right by the water, and talking with the grounds keeper(who suspiciously looked a lot like Santa Claus!) and his wife. After another little hike with Momma, Nanna and Abigail, we headed over to Tolovana just past Haystack Rock.



The beach was not too crowded and we staked out a place for our entourage just close enough to the water. The girls had a magnificent time! It was Charlotte's first time in the water and she was a little trooper, even letting me dip her in up to her tummy a couple times! Brrr! Abigail was a screaming banshee of pure delight, taking Momma, Daddy, Nanna and Grampa for runs into the waves, laughing and jumping all the way. She face planted a couple times in some bigger waves but even that didn't deter her joy! We sort of made some sand castles but it is a rather delicate process when you have a two year old smashing everything in to make sand-cakes!The beach has always been a favorite place of mine. I am so happy I was able to share the day with some of the people who mean the most to me in this world. The only thing I am little bummed about is my lack of pictures. Some I used the natural light setting on the camera for and then turned out crappy, and then I left the camera downstairs(computer is upstairs) and I am too damn tired to upload them now! See future post for pics!

chillin' and maxin'

just one

sometimes families are the stones you line your pockets with on your way down to the river.

gemini

gemini girl is split down the middle
her hair beyond the pale blue eye
rough hand seeking to brush tears from the brown one
like a Picasso, square breasts, cubed fingers
clasped together
beholding the fragments of the future
brushing away the past like crumbs.

she always wakes up with a headache
for the halves never meet.
one side is shy
one makes love in a public bathroom
one side tells them they aren't bothering her
the other yells in their faces

she can't help herself.

she wants the country air
and a shining towering condo in the city.
she wants another baby to smile upon,
she wants to give the ones she has away

consumed with a split vote
neither party winning
neither one to rule

no she didn't!

the other day we, my two lovely little ones, and my husband, were in the car on our way somewhere, when my older daughter, A., started kicking the back of my seat ever so gently. The intensity of the kicking increased and I calmly said to A., "I hope you're not kicking the back of my seat" to which she replied, "Does it sound like I'm kicking the back of your seat?". To this I could only hang my jaw in astonished incredulity and wheeze/gasp. If this is only a preview of life to come, I am going to need a staff or team or something to keep up with that mouth/mind!

then there were three

Miracles
by Walt Whitman


Why, who makes much of a miracle?
As to me I know of nothing else but miracles,
Whether I walk the streets of Manhattan,
Or dart my sight over the roofs of houses toward the sky,
Or wade with naked feet along the beach just in the edge of the water,
Or stand under trees in the woods,
Or talk by day with any one I love, or sleep in the bed at night
with any one I love,
Or sit at table at dinner with the rest,
Or look at strangers opposite me riding in the car,
Or watch honey-bees busy around the hive of a summer forenoon,
Or animals feeding in the fields,
Or birds, or the wonderfulness of insects in the air,
Or the wonderfulness of the sundown, or of stars shining so quiet
and bright,
Or the exquisite delicate thin curve of the new moon in spring;
These with the rest, one and all, are to me miracles,
The whole referring, yet each distinct and in its place.

Keep the windows open

bees knees news.

Abigail can now write the letters O, A, M, H and P. She can sing all the songs she learns at preschool word for word with all the motions.
Charlotte knows that if she taps her nose and points at something she is telling me she wants to smell the item. She is not wanting hugs at bedtime right now, but has learned to climb out of her big girl bed(Abigail's old bed) and toddle into our room at 5:45am!
Zakk is getting ready to go on a business trip-a first for him, I think. Cleveland rocks!
I am learning to deal with the fact that I have to wear a god-forsaken lab coat at work over my regular business attire because some of the practice managers thought it would be a good idea. Remind me, if I ever climb high enough on the corporate ladder, that I do not have good ideas...
Abigail is going to begin ballet classes in September and I don't know who is more excited-me, or her. I can't wait for all of that 100% pure energy to get channeled into something beautiful and new for her.

that's all for now, folks...

one liners

"Mommy, my boo boo looks like bacon now."

"Mommy, I'm going to be really mad if you don't come up here and see my Sponge Bob Square Pants movie."(which by the way, we don't own...)

she's leaving home, bye bye

Warning: The following statements were written by a fatigued, overly-warm, slightly cranky, low estrogenized, slightly depressed me, not my normal, slightly less fatigued self...

I feel as if my children are slowly moving beyond my reach. I can remember all the nights and days spent nursing Charlotte, spending time with her, just breathing in her baby-smell. I remember, too, talking with Abigail all the time when she was a wee one, playing with her, giving her hugs. Now Charlotte won't let me hug her, doesn't want me to hold her, and basically ignores me as much as humanly possible. I don't have the time I would like to spend giving her more one on one attention because I work all the time and Abigail is definitely a high maintenance child in the attention/need to be challenged respect. And Abigail's perma-chatter is driving me crazy-I love her and the fact that she has more than mastered the English language, but her conversations border on the manic, especially when she feels you are not paying enough attention to her.

So, I am saddened by all this. I realize deep down that most of these thoughts are highly emotional, only slightly tinged with rational thinking. But I feel sad and not a bit lonely, nonetheless.

cyclops

cyclops: in this case a morphing of cycling and lopsided. This is the state I envision my small frame in as I careen down MLK blvd. to Broadway on my way to work. You see, the bicycle bug has finally infected yours truly. Portland is a wonderful place to ride a bike-not just for exercise and recreation but for commuting. Besides my minor rants against cyclists trying to abide by their own road rules but also adopt and adapt motor vehicle laws and in the process almost kill themselves and give me a coronary, I like watching all the little bipeds tootling around town. And let's face it, transportation ain't as cheap as it used to be.
In light of this and the fact that I really need to get some regular exercise, I have endeavored to find myself a junker bike to ride around our neighborhood on. I figure if I can ride around the block, up to the park and back again enough times, maybe I can lengthen the rides up to a suitable distance and test my physical abilities. If any of you have any suggestions, comments or otherwise, please feel free to express them. As I have not ridden a bike for any length of time in about 14 years, encouragement would also be welcome!
Thanks, and here's to your health!

Snapshots

Let's have a looky-loo

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about my motivations in life-why I do what I do. And I have come to realize that a significant portion of my life has been spent doing things for other's approval. If I thought someone else might think something would be a good idea well, then, I would go ahead. If I thought someone might judge my action as 'stupid' or 'weird' or 'boring', etc., I would hold off on making a move. Now I come to a place in my life, that being the beginning of my 30s and hopefully a place where I have worked up to a tad bit more maturity, and I can't do anything without analyzing why I'm doing it. It's narcissism mixed with a smidge of paranoia. Why do we act? What creates urges within us? My hope is that I can come out of this stage with a better understanding of myself. I don't really want to delve any more into my psyche, I just want to be able to choose between Our Daily Bread and Old Wives Tales without having a coronary. I know I am over analyzing things, but with a purpose. Let's call this time part one of me getting my act together so I can do things for myself and think more about my intent rather than if someone is going to give me a smiley or frowny face mark on the chalkboard.Part II coming...

oh they can, can they?

a couple quick things:

Charlotte the little spent her first night in her big girl bed, donated quite happily by her big sis. Abigail is now enjoying the fruits of IKEAs' wonderful selection of low priced bedroom furniture with a cute black wrought iron day-bed style. I could not believe it when Charlotte drifted off to sleep not 15 minutes after we put in her in her bed complete (of course) with baby doll and book. Not only was it amazing that she fell asleep so quickly, but that she trusted and relaxed so completely in a space foreign to her. It was an almost palpable intent with which she slept. I am blessed beyond knowing with her and her sister.

On a different note...My wonderful other half was explaining to Abigail a week or so ago that we could not go out to eat because we were trying to save money and that basically we didn't have the funds to spare at that time. Abigail looked perplexed but decided to ruminate on the news rather than get too upset.
So, fast forward a week and we have Abigail's follow up to this previous conversation. I was cleaning up around the house and she ran up to me all excited and put out her grubby little hand exclaiming, "Mommy, mommy, I found money! Now we can go out to eat!!!". What did her cherubic little hand hold, why, the estimated total of 75 cents in change from a previous vacuuming excursion. Her excitement was outdone only by my laughter. She's a corker, that one.

ps-we did end up going out that night.

-me

snapshot

Here is a synposis of the last two weeks as only I recall them:

food poisoning
Hellboy (twice)
home from work
packing
sweating
cleaning
watching my brave husband and kooky father (w/helpful friend Jim) move the entire contents of our house
learning hubby was in car accident
driving
viral infection
sweating and chilling
family visiting
fun times
gelato
more home from work
ding dong
comcast guy
internet is up!

more later.
-Erin

Canst thou cast out into the sea?

Today has been one of those days that will go down as completely topsy-turvy. It began with my taking a new route to work, which shaves around 15 minutes off my already pretty short commute. Good. However, I was following behind a NW Natural Gas truck when I saw a furry grey and white kitty dart across the street. I held my breath and waited for it to run around the truck but to no avail. It ran right between the front and back tires, hitting one of the tires. The truck drove off and I can only assume he didn't realize what happened because he put on his turn signal and drove quite civillaly onto another street. Well, I was horrified and distraught so I parked my beast of a Volvo in the middle of the road and ran over to this poor animal. She had tried to get up the stairs to someones' walk way but had obviously broken her leg. So she slumped down sideways and I watched, sobbing, as she died. I won't put all the rest of the details because they are not pretty but I will say that at least she had me to pet her little head as she looked out for the last time. Damn it, why do things have to die?! I mean, I know it's the cycle of life and that animals die all the time-but watching it and stroking its gentle fur while it takes its last breath is a completely differnet thing.
So after calling Zakk a zillion times, leaving a note for the poor neighbors and calling the humane society, I said a little prayer for it and drove off to work. I didn't know what else to do, I was pretty shocked.
After that horrific ordeal I get to work and Zakk calls with good news-the guy renting the cool Victorian is going to show us the house today! So I left work at lunch and realized that the house is a couple mere blocks from our old house on N Wabash! We toured the inside, walked around the backyard with its raised beds and nice carport, gawked over the beautiful English-style garden out front, and ran to my car to sign the application as soon as the tour was over! Keep your fingers crossed, friends, that this all comes together the way it's supposed to.
This was definitely not a normal day by any standard, but one I feel has been pretty productive nonetheless. Two things before I go, though. A small prayer for kitty, name unknown, and a small hope that the house issues work out.
peace,
Erin

Dimen

The digital camera has been on the fritz so I don't have any new pictures to post.

I have been tired beyond all belief upon arrival at home so no really insightful journaling to impart.

My brain has turned to mush after 4 years of child-rearing and no school to speak of-other than being schooled by my two wonderful children.

I did, however, come across an intersting interview with Amy Tan regarding the Dong people from Dimen, a village in southwest China. The Dong people have an amazing oral history, where the history of their people and their culture are passed down from the eldest grandmother to the youngest child. If you would like to see a lovely photo essay and more informatin about this intersting group of people you can find it, as well as the full article by Amy Tan on National Geographic's website.
I was amazed by the beauty of their land and their traditions. I am so used to looking at fashion magazines, popular television and movies that my idea of what is "beautiful" becomes skewed at times. When I see these people, the way they live, and listen to the open emotion and thoughtful insights that are woven into their music, I am reminded of what true artistic beauty is.

"Young children not only sing to greet but also talk about community and the changing of seasons. The song "Spring Is Here, Swallows Fly" talks about the shortness of childhood, using birds as a metaphor:

After winter we get spring / Swallows fly amidst green leaves / Cicadas sing on top of berry trees / High and low sounds fill the mountains / Cicadas' songs are so beautiful, let's stop and listen / You can hear the mountains and forests resounding / Even the birds would stop and listen / There is music, there is love / All four seasons are filled with happiness / We are happy in our hearts

Across the Dong culture, most of the songs celebrate the natural world."
Amy Tan Reveals Stories of Dong Folk Songs

billions of lightyears away

I have a lot of thoughts going through my head right now. Like why did it take a change in medicine to make me feel relief from the crippling anxiety I have dealt with my entire life? I don't blame anybody, not even myself, not even a god if he exists. I am more astonished than upset. For those of you who don't have an issue with anxiety, count yourselves lucky. I don't say that to be trite. I hope you never have to deal with that particular monkey on your back. The almost constant niggling thoughts, the obsessing, the intrusive second-guessing-it's a bitch to deal with.
I am still struggling with reaching out to people, even people I know well and care about. That hasn't much changed--working on it but it is slow-going. I'm not sure if someone asked me if I would be able to tell them what exactly I'm worried about when it comes to social interactions. It isn't that I don't like people. I either feel a strange complacency which then spills into a general feeling of anxiety and an inability to get motivated, or I create a sterile bubble around myself where others cannot and don't really exist. If that's too personal for anyone reading this, well, it is a "journal" so...

Other than this new self-discovery I don't have much else to report. I like this band I just stumbled onto-"She&Him". They make me think of "The Carpenters" with a little "Au Revoir Simone". I didn't realize it was Zooey Deschanel singing vocals till I looked them up on Merge Records. Take a listen if you like.

more later, friends.
-Eh

women "live"

Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.

-Dorothy Parker

cuppa joe joe, get a go go

I am not a fan of Mondays. Today started out to be a particularly unpleasant Monday...












woke up, day two of my period. -

had some coffee +

drove to work in the messiest car ever, the volvo of shame -

had to sit through a two hour office meeting -

bought doughnuts for the office minions +

ate two of said doughnuts -

and on and on it went.



In the middle of the day I went upstairs into my lair, otherwise known as the B breakroom, and did a little daydreaming. One of the items up for discussion at our well-intentioned office meeting was the idea of having everyone wear uniforms. Now, I am not against uniforms in general, or on principle. My father wore a military uniform for 20 years and it suited us just fine. I do object, though, to having to wear a prescribed "blouse" and particular color skirt/pair of pants as a front office staffer. The techies? fine. The practitioners? makes sense. But this body is not meant to be swathed in a beige or peach or light blue or mint green short sleeved sateen button down front collared monstrosity! So to protest quietly amongst myself I had a little "conversation" with my boss in which I told him in no uncertain terms I would not be wearing a uniform. That those shirts would look heinous on me. I told him, boss man, I can't wear a uniform. Part of the reason I went back to work was to dress nice! To wear some semblance of the fashion of the week or month or season. If I wanted to wear a uniform I could have stayed at home and worn a f***ing tee shirt and jeans!

I see my polyester imprisonment upon me, and I shiver.

cartoon voices

Thursday had a bad driving experience with the girls-cursed at a woman while heading off to work. Abigail just looked at me afterword and said "Mommy, that hurt my ears". I am going to rue the day that one learned to talk...

Friday balanced both days' deposits at work so I shouldn't hear too much bitching from the boss on Monday.

Saturday I actually got out and did some weeding and general tidying up of the front and back yards. It felt good to be outside working in the dirt and such. There are some really annoying allium in the flower beds, though, that are driving me crazy. I am not a fan of their foilage and the flowers are not the pretty ones I always see in Martha Stewart magazines-more like a drab tan color. So I yanked them out while pulling tons of evil clover weeds.

ps-if your child is under the age of five, don't ever make the mistake of telling them Mickey Mouse lives at Disney World. I told Abigail today and she was actually speechless, not a regular state for my daughter, mind you!

Happy Easter everyone!

oh, Alice

Coming soon...Abigail's 4th Birthday Party!

All mad hatters and rabbits welcome!

Bring tea cups, lead-lined hats optional!

We here at the H household may not have much money, but what we lack in currency we make up for in creativity! This April will be a birthday time to remember. I am excited to be looking forward to something again. And it's easy to feel that silly smiling joy when there's a 3 1/2 year old running around the house talking about her birthday spectacular to come!

Stone Soul Picnic

it has turned out to be a pretty good weekend...

got out with the kids yesterday and today for some errands, nothing exciting. It hailed and rained yesterday which was entertaining, but now it's sunny and a little chilly. I'm currently watching the movie Bewitched with Nicole Kidman and Will Ferrel. It's actually pretty funny in that "you don't really have to use your brain" sort of way!
Abigail has been acting like a 14 year old-mouthing off and generally being the water to my rock of patience. Slowly, slowly...
Charlotte has some sort of allergy/cold issue complete with every 30 seconds being a nose wiping issue. Poor baby...
Other than that they are in pretty good moods-especially when we had animal cracker circus at lunch-Charlotte is getting pretty good with the lion imitations!
I'm getting geared up for another work week. Should be a little less hectic now that the end of the month round-up is over.
Not much else to report-just some cleaning and tidying here at the house, listening to a lot of NPR and drinking coffee.
Hope all of you have had good weekends filled with some productive relaxation-time.

hugs everybody,
Erin

purty

I think I might like to try yoga... I enjoy dental hygiene...
How you doin'?!

Just a little update on the kidlings...sorry about the bibbed pic of Charlotte-I can't seem to get any good ones of her wandering around the house.

Take care, everybody, and have a good week!

-E.

it's shag, baby!

If you ever get the chance, or the inkling, to check out a new music scene, our classical station has a great new program every Saturday night at 7pm called Club Mod. As I write this, I know many of you will mutter something snide about not being home at 7pm on a Saturday but...for those of you who have wee ones to pack off to Nod Land, leaving you homebound, give it a listen-either here locally on 89.9 FM on the radio or online at allclassical.org It's worth a mention as I don't think "modern" classical music gets enough good press.

Also, my newest literary craze is the poetry of Pablo Neruda. Beautiful. Truly.

and so it was, etc.

the time has come, my little friend, to talk of many things...

1. movie night will be Friday or Saturday, depending on my mood.
Popcorn will be served, but only the 100 calorie packs because I'm neurotic.

2. the children will get a maximum of play time and a minimum of nag time.

3. the husband will get 40% less nag time, but only if he moves the trash can around by Saturday nights.

4. ironing will only be done on Sundays.

5. Erin will read more of her books, moving the bookmark merrily along.


On a side note:
thank you to zerd for her eloquent use of the word "jank", and for introducing it into my vocabulary.
thank you, too, to SnoopDogg's tv show, for teaching me that I can be the "boss lady".

goodnight, all

watch out for that first step, it's a doozy!

had the day off today. shuttled the little ones around. Charlotte will be starting at the YMCA by our house soon. now she and Abigail will be in the same school, which means less shuttling and more snacks-yipee! methinks she is going to like it there-lots of other little tots to play with.

it is sunny here in PDX-a rarity for this time of year. I am relishing it.

had lunch with the man, looked around dusty thrift stores and actually enjoyed it!

I was going to post new pics of the wee ones but I can't find the damn camera-just had it for our trek to the OR Gorge. Oh well, I'm sure it will turn up soon enough.

Now what to do with the rest of my day...

organize the office area, eat a cupcake, and make myself a really strong espresso. maybe hunt the cat down and give him a good brushin'. we'll see...



take care friends,

me

oh to be frank

sometimes we choose the wedding, sometimes we choose the funeral.

sometimes our backs are turned on what we should really be looking towards. breaking through the fog of our own delusions is often the most difficult barrier-glass ceilings be damned. where can I go with my life? why am I stagnating here? why don't I take risks? what are risks worth? where is the core of me? do I believe I have a soul? is that where "I" reside? or, like Freud, do I find myself split into three, with all the activity of my life focused in my head? I have spent too much time up there, in my head, trying to think it out, be rational, be judgemental and discerning.

I have been so angry lately, angry with myself mostly, for not taking chances, for regretting a large chunk of my life, give or take a degree or two. I think about my life and I laugh, that most of the lessons I learned only helped in hindsight, and most of the experiences I had I didn't really appreciate until years had gone by.

I am almost thirty and I have two wonderful children, a loving husband, a steady job, a nice car, a nice house, and a pretty sweet cat. What do I have to bitch about? well...

I want so much more. I want to live by the ocean and be outdoors every day. I want to have perfect skin and the perfect body. I want my children to have good teeth and good educations. I want my husband to be happy, to be healthy, to not have to struggle with diabetes and family grief every day. I want to have friends, people who really want to hang out with me and who share common interests, preferably people who have children and understand what it's like to have that be an all-consuming aspect of life. I want to go to really loud rock concerts and dance around like an idiot and not care what others think. I want to have a faith that doesn't make me sad. I want to bake a cake every week and give it to my neighbors. I want the wedding. I want the white, clean, fresh start.

shaboom shaboom

is it bad when you realize you have been obsessing over the same few "character flaws" for at least 80% of your waking day?

I either need a hobby or a coke habit.

why don't my parents ever listen to their voice mail? Don't they know I leave a message because I want to communicate something? And they want to get a computer...don't know if they're ready for that kind of responsibility yet...

I love to laugh at how poorly Portlanders drive in the semi-snow conditions, but not while I'm driving with them. They make me angry in that irrational, throw shoes out the car window sort of way.

Did anyone catch the state of the union address this evening? Does anyone even care any more?

And if anyone has a cure for an HGTV addiction, please send suggestions to "my husband has an HGTV addiction, PO Box 2muchtv, our house 24/7" Thanks!

whatcha got in that bottle there, mister?

In need of enlightenment? Thirsty? What if you could quench both desires at once? Try Holy Bottled Water! Yes, living water can now be found on your supermarket shelves for your shopping convenience. See this for an article published in Newsweek.

I particularly enjoyed the comment about how this new "product" helps save the planet because who would want to throw a bottle away with a picture of Mary or Jesus emblazoned on is front?

And I thought marketing couldn't get any more corrupt...

cut the grass

Okay, it's been almost two weeks since I started my new life as a working mommy. Full-time. There are definite benefits to working outside the home. One of those would be actually paying our bills instead of looking befuddled at my hard-working husband every month, wondering how exactly I had arranged the budget and lied to myself at the same time. Another nice thing is well, wearing things other than jeans, plain tees and socks all day. I like my two inch heel boots and hope to break into some three inch heel dress shoes soon, too. (which may require another separate blog if things go awry.)
My work place is busy but not so much that I find myself hiding in dark corners during crunch time. There is a steady stream of work, which I appreciate, and I find I am picking up on things relatively quickly-except for the devilish subtle differences between Medicare and Medicaid programs...
To address the flip side of working outside the home, for myself personally, I miss my girls! I miss-yes-doing laundry at 2 pm instead of always at 9pm until we close up the house for the night! I miss being able to play with them, ride their various temperament waves, and see the sunlight hitting the hardwood floors while Charlotte pulls all the books from the second row of our open bookshelf.
But, and here it is, a big one, the grass always seems greener on the other side. All my life I have escaped into that kind of thinking-I'm too short, tall girls have better lives, I'm too neurotic, calm people live longer, I'm not tan enough, tan girls look better in sleeveless dresses...you see where I'm going with this-this is only a smattering past thoughts...
Knowing this about myself, I have resolved to make an effort in the time I do have with my husband and children. Though it may be limited, you can pack a lot into a time slot if you are motivated by a desire to connect with your family and not by an overwhelming anxiety that you are a horrible parent, etc.
So we will see how things go-I'm not perfect-and even after 3 1/2 years I'm really not that experienced a parent. But I am expecting some good times, some laughter, and maybe even some "worms in dirt", a concoction very much desired by my 3 1/2 year old!

See you on this side of the fence, where the grass is quite water logged at the moment!
-E

Katmandu

Yes folks, from the family that brought you Mr. Kerouac cat, tragically killed by whom we can only assume was a pissy neighbor, and Piglet, that mentally unstable meow who managed to scale two feet up a window screen and escape, we are now proud to bring you mister no name kitty #3!!!

We have been talking about getting a new cat but I didn't want to be the one to pick him or her out because I am not in harmony with the great cat nature that is nice-kitty. No, I only seem to pick out the wackos and the ones channeling Hannibal Lector. So Zakk went to the Humane Society last week and spent some quality kitty check-out time in the "visiting rooms" and found this beautiful boy you see above. He is 2 years old, 11 lbs., all black with little white tufts in his ears. For those of you who remember Piglet, yes, this cat does have an actual tail, as well! He is a really sweet natured, gentle lovey cat. A little shy still-but no wonder with the noise we four make! He likes to snuggle and headbutt us for affection, and doesn't seem to want to eat my face off or slash through my ankles...which is a nice change. The only thing he's done so far besides keep to himself or cuddle and purr is eat a small bag of catnip he ripped up during the middle of the night-but who can blame him?

I am really happy to have a cat in the house again, and I think there can be some mutual lovin' now, instead of my misadventures in psychocat.

If you thought this was an absurd length to a "cat-devoted" blog, I apologize. But if you are still reading this, and I can only hope you are, any suggestions on a name?!!

New Year Thinking

Resolutions

1. Be nicer to myself

2. Go back to the gym.

3. Be more confident at work.

4. Nag less of the hubby

5. Call people. Period.

6. Buy some new shoes.

7. Meditate every day, at least for a couple minutes.

8. Swear less.

9. Make it onto "What not to wear" and win $5000 in new clothes.

10. Let a little more go that's weighing me down.