billions of lightyears away

I have a lot of thoughts going through my head right now. Like why did it take a change in medicine to make me feel relief from the crippling anxiety I have dealt with my entire life? I don't blame anybody, not even myself, not even a god if he exists. I am more astonished than upset. For those of you who don't have an issue with anxiety, count yourselves lucky. I don't say that to be trite. I hope you never have to deal with that particular monkey on your back. The almost constant niggling thoughts, the obsessing, the intrusive second-guessing-it's a bitch to deal with.
I am still struggling with reaching out to people, even people I know well and care about. That hasn't much changed--working on it but it is slow-going. I'm not sure if someone asked me if I would be able to tell them what exactly I'm worried about when it comes to social interactions. It isn't that I don't like people. I either feel a strange complacency which then spills into a general feeling of anxiety and an inability to get motivated, or I create a sterile bubble around myself where others cannot and don't really exist. If that's too personal for anyone reading this, well, it is a "journal" so...

Other than this new self-discovery I don't have much else to report. I like this band I just stumbled onto-"She&Him". They make me think of "The Carpenters" with a little "Au Revoir Simone". I didn't realize it was Zooey Deschanel singing vocals till I looked them up on Merge Records. Take a listen if you like.

more later, friends.
-Eh