cut the grass

Okay, it's been almost two weeks since I started my new life as a working mommy. Full-time. There are definite benefits to working outside the home. One of those would be actually paying our bills instead of looking befuddled at my hard-working husband every month, wondering how exactly I had arranged the budget and lied to myself at the same time. Another nice thing is well, wearing things other than jeans, plain tees and socks all day. I like my two inch heel boots and hope to break into some three inch heel dress shoes soon, too. (which may require another separate blog if things go awry.)
My work place is busy but not so much that I find myself hiding in dark corners during crunch time. There is a steady stream of work, which I appreciate, and I find I am picking up on things relatively quickly-except for the devilish subtle differences between Medicare and Medicaid programs...
To address the flip side of working outside the home, for myself personally, I miss my girls! I miss-yes-doing laundry at 2 pm instead of always at 9pm until we close up the house for the night! I miss being able to play with them, ride their various temperament waves, and see the sunlight hitting the hardwood floors while Charlotte pulls all the books from the second row of our open bookshelf.
But, and here it is, a big one, the grass always seems greener on the other side. All my life I have escaped into that kind of thinking-I'm too short, tall girls have better lives, I'm too neurotic, calm people live longer, I'm not tan enough, tan girls look better in sleeveless dresses...you see where I'm going with this-this is only a smattering past thoughts...
Knowing this about myself, I have resolved to make an effort in the time I do have with my husband and children. Though it may be limited, you can pack a lot into a time slot if you are motivated by a desire to connect with your family and not by an overwhelming anxiety that you are a horrible parent, etc.
So we will see how things go-I'm not perfect-and even after 3 1/2 years I'm really not that experienced a parent. But I am expecting some good times, some laughter, and maybe even some "worms in dirt", a concoction very much desired by my 3 1/2 year old!

See you on this side of the fence, where the grass is quite water logged at the moment!
-E