what?! but you're a girl!

so, I sort of had a bad day. the two biology classes went alright-my test grades are improving, and my professors haven't hurled anything at my head while in class which is always a plus. my chemistry class is another story, another world, another me. I find myself incapable of acting like the --year old I am, or with any of the strength and dignity I like to think I posses at most opportune times. Maybe it's the years of being passively and sometimes very directly put down by male teachers and professors of math and science classes. Maybe it's the fact that I haven't taken a fucking Chemistry class in 12 years, or maybe it's due to other circumstances that are personal and are taking their tole on my psyche. Whatever the case, I feel like I'm hanging on by a thread, and just trying to fulfill a promise I made to myself and my family to try something out in the hopes of bettering I and my family's life.
So stinky cheese man professor of chemistry as I shall now call him, gave me hell for not understanding some concepts as readily as he would have liked. I don't think I am mentally deficient in chemistry and the math that goes with it, but I do know about myself that it sometimes takes longer for me to grasp a concept, sometimes after several different explanations. I was not asking Prof. Stinky to "let me off the hook", or to coddle me or even cater to my inability to grasp something at mach speed. I just needed a little more of a constructive conversation than, "okay, what is it?" "+1, no, that's...what?! no!" what is it?!!" if you can't...have you even read the book? have you gone over any of the notes?!!" Meanwhile, I'm looking down at my book attempting not to cry like a girl, and nice class partner man is looking uncomfortable and sympathetic. All conversation then ended with Prof. Stinky turning his back on me, shaking his head, and me shoving my things into my bag and walking very briskly out of the classroom with sunglasses covering my weepy eyes. Pathetic, I know. But I can't help thinking he was a little unfair. I guess we'll see if he gave a shit about his performance or not on Thursday, class #2. Maybe I'll wear a more revealing shirt this time...