rants and raves

First:
to the man on 72nd with the shirt reading "need some love?" on the back, with a large, cut out heart before the word love-and I mean, cut out as in you could see his very hairy back, I say thank you. Thank you for having the courage to wear one of those zany, novelty shirts you can find only at convenience stores right behind the day old doughnuts and semi-pornographic magazines with black covers. Thank you for not only sporting it, but wearing it proudly, on your bike, riding around Portland for all the world to see. We, the tailored timid, applaud you and your complete lack of style, but also your complete inability to see you are wearing a shirt advertising 'lovin' with black icky hairs sticking out!

Second:
To the driver of the late 80's model Honda Accord-I don't ask for much, just drive on your side of the road and I'll drive on mine. And if I raise my hands up at you in exasperation, I'm not flipping you off, I'm just showing you that my hands are completely off the steering wheel in an attempt to drive more like you!

Third:
To the customer service person I spoke with earlier today on the phone while wandering around Target, please don't ever tell someone, a customer, that you are bad at spelling. And that it will take you a while to type in my information. They tape those conversations-you know who, your supervisors. Please don't tell me you don't know how to spell 'Portland' and "could I please spell it". Because then I will being to think that maybe outsourcing wasn't such a good idea, after all.

And last:
To the snotty soccer mom at Fred Meyer-there is not enough room in the aisle for your stupid shopping cart, myself, and the poor elderly couple looking at Halloween decorations! Wait your turn! Or at least learn to say excuse me!