then there were three

Miracles
by Walt Whitman


Why, who makes much of a miracle?
As to me I know of nothing else but miracles,
Whether I walk the streets of Manhattan,
Or dart my sight over the roofs of houses toward the sky,
Or wade with naked feet along the beach just in the edge of the water,
Or stand under trees in the woods,
Or talk by day with any one I love, or sleep in the bed at night
with any one I love,
Or sit at table at dinner with the rest,
Or look at strangers opposite me riding in the car,
Or watch honey-bees busy around the hive of a summer forenoon,
Or animals feeding in the fields,
Or birds, or the wonderfulness of insects in the air,
Or the wonderfulness of the sundown, or of stars shining so quiet
and bright,
Or the exquisite delicate thin curve of the new moon in spring;
These with the rest, one and all, are to me miracles,
The whole referring, yet each distinct and in its place.

Keep the windows open

bees knees news.

Abigail can now write the letters O, A, M, H and P. She can sing all the songs she learns at preschool word for word with all the motions.
Charlotte knows that if she taps her nose and points at something she is telling me she wants to smell the item. She is not wanting hugs at bedtime right now, but has learned to climb out of her big girl bed(Abigail's old bed) and toddle into our room at 5:45am!
Zakk is getting ready to go on a business trip-a first for him, I think. Cleveland rocks!
I am learning to deal with the fact that I have to wear a god-forsaken lab coat at work over my regular business attire because some of the practice managers thought it would be a good idea. Remind me, if I ever climb high enough on the corporate ladder, that I do not have good ideas...
Abigail is going to begin ballet classes in September and I don't know who is more excited-me, or her. I can't wait for all of that 100% pure energy to get channeled into something beautiful and new for her.

that's all for now, folks...

one liners

"Mommy, my boo boo looks like bacon now."

"Mommy, I'm going to be really mad if you don't come up here and see my Sponge Bob Square Pants movie."(which by the way, we don't own...)

she's leaving home, bye bye

Warning: The following statements were written by a fatigued, overly-warm, slightly cranky, low estrogenized, slightly depressed me, not my normal, slightly less fatigued self...

I feel as if my children are slowly moving beyond my reach. I can remember all the nights and days spent nursing Charlotte, spending time with her, just breathing in her baby-smell. I remember, too, talking with Abigail all the time when she was a wee one, playing with her, giving her hugs. Now Charlotte won't let me hug her, doesn't want me to hold her, and basically ignores me as much as humanly possible. I don't have the time I would like to spend giving her more one on one attention because I work all the time and Abigail is definitely a high maintenance child in the attention/need to be challenged respect. And Abigail's perma-chatter is driving me crazy-I love her and the fact that she has more than mastered the English language, but her conversations border on the manic, especially when she feels you are not paying enough attention to her.

So, I am saddened by all this. I realize deep down that most of these thoughts are highly emotional, only slightly tinged with rational thinking. But I feel sad and not a bit lonely, nonetheless.

cyclops

cyclops: in this case a morphing of cycling and lopsided. This is the state I envision my small frame in as I careen down MLK blvd. to Broadway on my way to work. You see, the bicycle bug has finally infected yours truly. Portland is a wonderful place to ride a bike-not just for exercise and recreation but for commuting. Besides my minor rants against cyclists trying to abide by their own road rules but also adopt and adapt motor vehicle laws and in the process almost kill themselves and give me a coronary, I like watching all the little bipeds tootling around town. And let's face it, transportation ain't as cheap as it used to be.
In light of this and the fact that I really need to get some regular exercise, I have endeavored to find myself a junker bike to ride around our neighborhood on. I figure if I can ride around the block, up to the park and back again enough times, maybe I can lengthen the rides up to a suitable distance and test my physical abilities. If any of you have any suggestions, comments or otherwise, please feel free to express them. As I have not ridden a bike for any length of time in about 14 years, encouragement would also be welcome!
Thanks, and here's to your health!

Snapshots

Let's have a looky-loo

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about my motivations in life-why I do what I do. And I have come to realize that a significant portion of my life has been spent doing things for other's approval. If I thought someone else might think something would be a good idea well, then, I would go ahead. If I thought someone might judge my action as 'stupid' or 'weird' or 'boring', etc., I would hold off on making a move. Now I come to a place in my life, that being the beginning of my 30s and hopefully a place where I have worked up to a tad bit more maturity, and I can't do anything without analyzing why I'm doing it. It's narcissism mixed with a smidge of paranoia. Why do we act? What creates urges within us? My hope is that I can come out of this stage with a better understanding of myself. I don't really want to delve any more into my psyche, I just want to be able to choose between Our Daily Bread and Old Wives Tales without having a coronary. I know I am over analyzing things, but with a purpose. Let's call this time part one of me getting my act together so I can do things for myself and think more about my intent rather than if someone is going to give me a smiley or frowny face mark on the chalkboard.Part II coming...

oh they can, can they?

a couple quick things:

Charlotte the little spent her first night in her big girl bed, donated quite happily by her big sis. Abigail is now enjoying the fruits of IKEAs' wonderful selection of low priced bedroom furniture with a cute black wrought iron day-bed style. I could not believe it when Charlotte drifted off to sleep not 15 minutes after we put in her in her bed complete (of course) with baby doll and book. Not only was it amazing that she fell asleep so quickly, but that she trusted and relaxed so completely in a space foreign to her. It was an almost palpable intent with which she slept. I am blessed beyond knowing with her and her sister.

On a different note...My wonderful other half was explaining to Abigail a week or so ago that we could not go out to eat because we were trying to save money and that basically we didn't have the funds to spare at that time. Abigail looked perplexed but decided to ruminate on the news rather than get too upset.
So, fast forward a week and we have Abigail's follow up to this previous conversation. I was cleaning up around the house and she ran up to me all excited and put out her grubby little hand exclaiming, "Mommy, mommy, I found money! Now we can go out to eat!!!". What did her cherubic little hand hold, why, the estimated total of 75 cents in change from a previous vacuuming excursion. Her excitement was outdone only by my laughter. She's a corker, that one.

ps-we did end up going out that night.

-me

snapshot

Here is a synposis of the last two weeks as only I recall them:

food poisoning
Hellboy (twice)
home from work
packing
sweating
cleaning
watching my brave husband and kooky father (w/helpful friend Jim) move the entire contents of our house
learning hubby was in car accident
driving
viral infection
sweating and chilling
family visiting
fun times
gelato
more home from work
ding dong
comcast guy
internet is up!

more later.
-Erin

Canst thou cast out into the sea?

Today has been one of those days that will go down as completely topsy-turvy. It began with my taking a new route to work, which shaves around 15 minutes off my already pretty short commute. Good. However, I was following behind a NW Natural Gas truck when I saw a furry grey and white kitty dart across the street. I held my breath and waited for it to run around the truck but to no avail. It ran right between the front and back tires, hitting one of the tires. The truck drove off and I can only assume he didn't realize what happened because he put on his turn signal and drove quite civillaly onto another street. Well, I was horrified and distraught so I parked my beast of a Volvo in the middle of the road and ran over to this poor animal. She had tried to get up the stairs to someones' walk way but had obviously broken her leg. So she slumped down sideways and I watched, sobbing, as she died. I won't put all the rest of the details because they are not pretty but I will say that at least she had me to pet her little head as she looked out for the last time. Damn it, why do things have to die?! I mean, I know it's the cycle of life and that animals die all the time-but watching it and stroking its gentle fur while it takes its last breath is a completely differnet thing.
So after calling Zakk a zillion times, leaving a note for the poor neighbors and calling the humane society, I said a little prayer for it and drove off to work. I didn't know what else to do, I was pretty shocked.
After that horrific ordeal I get to work and Zakk calls with good news-the guy renting the cool Victorian is going to show us the house today! So I left work at lunch and realized that the house is a couple mere blocks from our old house on N Wabash! We toured the inside, walked around the backyard with its raised beds and nice carport, gawked over the beautiful English-style garden out front, and ran to my car to sign the application as soon as the tour was over! Keep your fingers crossed, friends, that this all comes together the way it's supposed to.
This was definitely not a normal day by any standard, but one I feel has been pretty productive nonetheless. Two things before I go, though. A small prayer for kitty, name unknown, and a small hope that the house issues work out.
peace,
Erin