purty

I think I might like to try yoga... I enjoy dental hygiene...
How you doin'?!

Just a little update on the kidlings...sorry about the bibbed pic of Charlotte-I can't seem to get any good ones of her wandering around the house.

Take care, everybody, and have a good week!

-E.

it's shag, baby!

If you ever get the chance, or the inkling, to check out a new music scene, our classical station has a great new program every Saturday night at 7pm called Club Mod. As I write this, I know many of you will mutter something snide about not being home at 7pm on a Saturday but...for those of you who have wee ones to pack off to Nod Land, leaving you homebound, give it a listen-either here locally on 89.9 FM on the radio or online at allclassical.org It's worth a mention as I don't think "modern" classical music gets enough good press.

Also, my newest literary craze is the poetry of Pablo Neruda. Beautiful. Truly.

and so it was, etc.

the time has come, my little friend, to talk of many things...

1. movie night will be Friday or Saturday, depending on my mood.
Popcorn will be served, but only the 100 calorie packs because I'm neurotic.

2. the children will get a maximum of play time and a minimum of nag time.

3. the husband will get 40% less nag time, but only if he moves the trash can around by Saturday nights.

4. ironing will only be done on Sundays.

5. Erin will read more of her books, moving the bookmark merrily along.


On a side note:
thank you to zerd for her eloquent use of the word "jank", and for introducing it into my vocabulary.
thank you, too, to SnoopDogg's tv show, for teaching me that I can be the "boss lady".

goodnight, all

watch out for that first step, it's a doozy!

had the day off today. shuttled the little ones around. Charlotte will be starting at the YMCA by our house soon. now she and Abigail will be in the same school, which means less shuttling and more snacks-yipee! methinks she is going to like it there-lots of other little tots to play with.

it is sunny here in PDX-a rarity for this time of year. I am relishing it.

had lunch with the man, looked around dusty thrift stores and actually enjoyed it!

I was going to post new pics of the wee ones but I can't find the damn camera-just had it for our trek to the OR Gorge. Oh well, I'm sure it will turn up soon enough.

Now what to do with the rest of my day...

organize the office area, eat a cupcake, and make myself a really strong espresso. maybe hunt the cat down and give him a good brushin'. we'll see...



take care friends,

me

oh to be frank

sometimes we choose the wedding, sometimes we choose the funeral.

sometimes our backs are turned on what we should really be looking towards. breaking through the fog of our own delusions is often the most difficult barrier-glass ceilings be damned. where can I go with my life? why am I stagnating here? why don't I take risks? what are risks worth? where is the core of me? do I believe I have a soul? is that where "I" reside? or, like Freud, do I find myself split into three, with all the activity of my life focused in my head? I have spent too much time up there, in my head, trying to think it out, be rational, be judgemental and discerning.

I have been so angry lately, angry with myself mostly, for not taking chances, for regretting a large chunk of my life, give or take a degree or two. I think about my life and I laugh, that most of the lessons I learned only helped in hindsight, and most of the experiences I had I didn't really appreciate until years had gone by.

I am almost thirty and I have two wonderful children, a loving husband, a steady job, a nice car, a nice house, and a pretty sweet cat. What do I have to bitch about? well...

I want so much more. I want to live by the ocean and be outdoors every day. I want to have perfect skin and the perfect body. I want my children to have good teeth and good educations. I want my husband to be happy, to be healthy, to not have to struggle with diabetes and family grief every day. I want to have friends, people who really want to hang out with me and who share common interests, preferably people who have children and understand what it's like to have that be an all-consuming aspect of life. I want to go to really loud rock concerts and dance around like an idiot and not care what others think. I want to have a faith that doesn't make me sad. I want to bake a cake every week and give it to my neighbors. I want the wedding. I want the white, clean, fresh start.

shaboom shaboom

is it bad when you realize you have been obsessing over the same few "character flaws" for at least 80% of your waking day?

I either need a hobby or a coke habit.

why don't my parents ever listen to their voice mail? Don't they know I leave a message because I want to communicate something? And they want to get a computer...don't know if they're ready for that kind of responsibility yet...

I love to laugh at how poorly Portlanders drive in the semi-snow conditions, but not while I'm driving with them. They make me angry in that irrational, throw shoes out the car window sort of way.

Did anyone catch the state of the union address this evening? Does anyone even care any more?

And if anyone has a cure for an HGTV addiction, please send suggestions to "my husband has an HGTV addiction, PO Box 2muchtv, our house 24/7" Thanks!

whatcha got in that bottle there, mister?

In need of enlightenment? Thirsty? What if you could quench both desires at once? Try Holy Bottled Water! Yes, living water can now be found on your supermarket shelves for your shopping convenience. See this for an article published in Newsweek.

I particularly enjoyed the comment about how this new "product" helps save the planet because who would want to throw a bottle away with a picture of Mary or Jesus emblazoned on is front?

And I thought marketing couldn't get any more corrupt...

cut the grass

Okay, it's been almost two weeks since I started my new life as a working mommy. Full-time. There are definite benefits to working outside the home. One of those would be actually paying our bills instead of looking befuddled at my hard-working husband every month, wondering how exactly I had arranged the budget and lied to myself at the same time. Another nice thing is well, wearing things other than jeans, plain tees and socks all day. I like my two inch heel boots and hope to break into some three inch heel dress shoes soon, too. (which may require another separate blog if things go awry.)
My work place is busy but not so much that I find myself hiding in dark corners during crunch time. There is a steady stream of work, which I appreciate, and I find I am picking up on things relatively quickly-except for the devilish subtle differences between Medicare and Medicaid programs...
To address the flip side of working outside the home, for myself personally, I miss my girls! I miss-yes-doing laundry at 2 pm instead of always at 9pm until we close up the house for the night! I miss being able to play with them, ride their various temperament waves, and see the sunlight hitting the hardwood floors while Charlotte pulls all the books from the second row of our open bookshelf.
But, and here it is, a big one, the grass always seems greener on the other side. All my life I have escaped into that kind of thinking-I'm too short, tall girls have better lives, I'm too neurotic, calm people live longer, I'm not tan enough, tan girls look better in sleeveless dresses...you see where I'm going with this-this is only a smattering past thoughts...
Knowing this about myself, I have resolved to make an effort in the time I do have with my husband and children. Though it may be limited, you can pack a lot into a time slot if you are motivated by a desire to connect with your family and not by an overwhelming anxiety that you are a horrible parent, etc.
So we will see how things go-I'm not perfect-and even after 3 1/2 years I'm really not that experienced a parent. But I am expecting some good times, some laughter, and maybe even some "worms in dirt", a concoction very much desired by my 3 1/2 year old!

See you on this side of the fence, where the grass is quite water logged at the moment!
-E

Katmandu

Yes folks, from the family that brought you Mr. Kerouac cat, tragically killed by whom we can only assume was a pissy neighbor, and Piglet, that mentally unstable meow who managed to scale two feet up a window screen and escape, we are now proud to bring you mister no name kitty #3!!!

We have been talking about getting a new cat but I didn't want to be the one to pick him or her out because I am not in harmony with the great cat nature that is nice-kitty. No, I only seem to pick out the wackos and the ones channeling Hannibal Lector. So Zakk went to the Humane Society last week and spent some quality kitty check-out time in the "visiting rooms" and found this beautiful boy you see above. He is 2 years old, 11 lbs., all black with little white tufts in his ears. For those of you who remember Piglet, yes, this cat does have an actual tail, as well! He is a really sweet natured, gentle lovey cat. A little shy still-but no wonder with the noise we four make! He likes to snuggle and headbutt us for affection, and doesn't seem to want to eat my face off or slash through my ankles...which is a nice change. The only thing he's done so far besides keep to himself or cuddle and purr is eat a small bag of catnip he ripped up during the middle of the night-but who can blame him?

I am really happy to have a cat in the house again, and I think there can be some mutual lovin' now, instead of my misadventures in psychocat.

If you thought this was an absurd length to a "cat-devoted" blog, I apologize. But if you are still reading this, and I can only hope you are, any suggestions on a name?!!

New Year Thinking

Resolutions

1. Be nicer to myself

2. Go back to the gym.

3. Be more confident at work.

4. Nag less of the hubby

5. Call people. Period.

6. Buy some new shoes.

7. Meditate every day, at least for a couple minutes.

8. Swear less.

9. Make it onto "What not to wear" and win $5000 in new clothes.

10. Let a little more go that's weighing me down.