The Eclectic Cafetorium

Our house, is a very, very very fine house...

2010-09-08T20:57:00.001-07:00

She's ready for her close up!

She's 4, y'all!

Mr. Oliver-almost 2 months, surveying his kingdom!

Nom, nom, fingers taste good!

Where had I gone?

2010-08-23T20:54:00.000-07:00

Has it really been that long since my last post? 4 months??!! So many changes have occurred since then. I feel like I'm going into the confessional booth to list out my many sins!

I am now typing, rather inadequately, on our new/used macbook. I am so excited to finally join the Apple cult...Steve Jobs...take me to your leader....

My baby boy is now out of the womb and over a month old!!! Oliver Richard Hoyt was born July 15, 2010-18" long and 7lb.6oz. Blue eyes and just a little bit of red hair left on his perfectly shaped head.

Daughter #1 is beginning her own new adventures as a 1st grader in less than three weeks...at a new school. She has joined Girl Scouts, as well, and we are looking at after school activities for her through her elementary school when that starts up.

Daughter #2 is going to be a whirling dervish soon when she starts her gymnastics class at the community center!

The husboard is still gainfully employed...knock on some serious wood, there...we are so thankful!

I am sticking to the homefront, attempting to be mommy extraordinaire while keeping my sanity somewhat in tact!

What else???

Baby #3 is in cloth diapers and I am happy to report I love using them!

We have a new vehicle-the swagger wagon, aka the minivan of peace, love and harmony!

Joined MOPS.

Both grandmas came and visited after bebe's arrival-good times had by all!

New item of the week:went for a family walk today after hubby got done w/work. Lovely except for grumpy kidlet #1. All better now, though.

Well, must get little bambino from his baby jail(the crib).

love and hugs to everyone I have or have not talked to since my last post. I will try to stay more current now...although it may require the use of only one arm/hand since the other may be occupied with my little guy!

my buddha buddy

2010-04-15T20:15:00.000-07:00

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned.

The Buddha

Nothing more than the quote right now, but enough to get me digesting and thinking and searching. Anger, denial, bitterness, doubt, frustration...How can I deal with all these things in a more healthy way, a more spiritual way?

Jump around, Jump around

2010-03-02T16:41:00.000-08:00

I just bought the invitations to Miss almost 6's birthday bash happening at the end of this month. I can't believe how much my favorite 'all in one' store, Target, was charging for some of those things! Crazy! But I ended up with some that were pretty harmless. I have addressed all the envelopes except for the families who didn't include that info. in the school directory. I will have to hunt them down or just stuff the invite in the kiddo's classroom box and hope it makes it's way to momma or dad!
The party, deep breath, is going to be held at a place called JJ Jump in Clackamas. Just looking at the website and listening to the insane music makes me spaz out a little. An indoor inflatable romper room, a private party room with 25 children, cake and ice cream...oh gods help preserve my sanity-especially because I can't take anti-anxiety pills while pregnant! : )
My lovely parents are coming down to join in the mayhem-I don't know who I feel worse for, myself or my dad and husband who have to be out with the kids for over an hour! I'll be sure to update you after the party...

how can i keep from singing?

2010-02-22T21:04:00.000-08:00

all which isn't singing is mere talking

all which isn't singing is mere talking
and all talking's talking to oneself
(whether that oneself be sought or seeking
master or disciple sheep or wolf)

gush to it as deity or devil
-toss in sobs and reasons threats and smiles
name it cruel fair or blessed evil-
it is you (ne i)nobody else

drive dumb mankind dizzy with haranguing
-you are deafened every mother's son-
all is merely talk which isn't singing
and all talking's to oneself alone

but the very song of(as mountains
feel and lovers)singing is silence

e e cummings

Ants and Lice

2010-02-17T21:02:00.000-08:00

I still don't have any pictures of our new fab. house yet because I am not sure where the camera-computer cord is. Oops. I'm sure I'll find it hidden under some dirty socks in a box with an old unused diaper and some pens. That's what happens at the witching hour of packing/moving! BUT,
we love our house. We want to send it a card and give it flowers and never say bad things to it. My only character flaws for Les Home are that the sink is shallow(a pain to wash pots and pans in!!!) and we had a case of ants. Now, for those of you who have never lived in Portland before, let me just forewarn you-this is a city built on a damn ant hill! It seems no matter where I have lived, what part of the city, no matter how clean I kept my kitchen, the ants would show up! My children began recognizing them at an early age, stomping on them(as their crazy mommy does!), saying, 'bad ant, we don't want you in our kitchen!'. Sooo, we are in the battle #1 of 2010 for our kitchen and my sanity! I bought some little ant hotels and am going to stock up on some mint and spray vinegar, especially since being pregnant and having two kids around I do not want to be spraying anything toxic in the house! This is day 2 of the battle. I'll keep y'all posted...

Now on to.....drum roll please.....lice!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(I figure it needed it's own set of exclamation marks for gross cootie points)

Took my 5 1/2 year old to the doctor because she was having some tummy pain. Tums and tylenol weren't doing the trick, neither were any of the other remedies we tried. The doc took a listen and a look and said she might be having some poop issues. Ah yes, poop. A word only a mom or dad could truly love! So now my and my daughter's duty is to keep track of when she goes, what it's like, how often, etc. Having gone through similar issues as a kiddo I totally sympathize with her and definitely DO NOT want to resort to chemical ANYTHING!!! I had to take some horrible tasting, military doctor prescribed liquid shit as a child, and it has traumatized me for life!
That's not really the big news, though. The BIG news was as we were leaving the doc leaned over girlie #1's head and said, have you looked at your daughter's head lately? I laughed and said I had and thought she might have some stubborn dandruff. NOPE!! That's not dandruff sport's fans-that's a raging case of LICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why us?!!??? My husband and I never ever had lice as kids, and the girls never came home with it, even after being in the YMCA childcare system for a couple years. So, needless to say, I was mortified. That was actually exactly what I said. I. Am. Mortified!
With the joy of having two adorable little ones come the added joy of the both of them getting it. Hooray for Nix!
Tomorrow will begin our great leap of faith that these little buggers can be gotten rid of. Wish us luck...and pray that neither of the big kids(Zakk and I) have it.
All I know is, #1 could not have gotten this anywhere other than school, which means there is either a kiddo with lice who doesn't know it, or a parent didn't alert the class. Although I don't want to go through the embarrassing task of telling Class 101 that one of their classmates has licey lice, I will do it, and hopefully save a couple of heads!

Phew,
all for now.

Good night, New York, We love you!!

2010-02-15T20:06:00.001-08:00

My husband laughs at my love of certain 70's rock-Jackson Brown, Bob Seger, Steve Miller Band, etc. But for some reason I feel drawn to them. They remind me of the times before I had children, before I gained 'mommy weight', before I had more bills going out than checks coming in. There is something about their guitars, their piano rocking, dudes with long hair(which I can't stand under 'normal' circumstances!!!)...No worries, no cares, just jammin' and laughing and singing at the top of my lungs out the car window. Responsibility is not a privilege, folks, it's a burden. I'm not talking about being responsible for my children, because I took that on knowingly and willingly, but all the other bullshit we have to deal with day to day. I'm just sayin'. Let's all get off the grid and start a commune........but it will have to have a radio, for sure.

_____________________________________________________________

'Night' songs seem to bring out the memories, too....

-Nightswimming by REM
-Night Moves by Bob Seger
-Because the Night by Natalie Merchant
-Strangers in the Night by Mel Torme
-Tonight, Tonight from West Side Story
-Starry, Starry Night by Don McLean

Daytime usually belongs 90% to my children and running a household, but the night still belongs to me-I read, I write, I listen to music, I waste time on the internet. Well, 10% at least.

tidbits

2010-02-10T20:02:00.000-08:00

Note:
When a salesperson, customer service rep, or, oh, say a medical facility says, 'well, we don't usually do things that way...' what they are really saying is, 'we just don't want to do it for you because we are lazy and not getting paid enough to deal with you and your problems'.

Quote:
"Definition: fairy tale- n. A horror story to prepare children for newspapers." -Ambrose Bierce

Song:
Fake Plastic Trees by Radiohead

...all just a part of my little day, friends.

Today

2010-02-01T15:57:00.001-08:00

: : We call her Princess Sparkle Face! (from summer 2009)
: : A picture of the wee one from November of last year.

-Drizzle, no sun, cloudy and a little chilly atop our fair hill. I think our whole family has SAD...

-I only took a 45 minute nap, brought on by a sudden head-cold. My wonderful youngest girl was so patient with me, only waking me up once to ask if I could help her with her legos!

-I perused some crafty-mom blogs; ones I like to call the "anti-Martha's" of our age.

-I got a little more "moving" paperwork done. Only 3 or 4 more entities to notify...I think. Hopefully no one too important is trying to find us!

-Got a visit from the lady who used to take care of the house we are currently occupying, Linda. She was very nice, and is bringing us smoke detectors this week-hooray for progress!

-Unpacked a couple more boxes (2).

That's about all I can think of for now. More later, gentle readers.

Whoa, Ho, Ho, Ho

2010-01-08T16:37:00.000-08:00

So I missed posting anything relevant about Advent, Christmas or New Years-big surprise. But I can regale all my loyal cafetorium fans with stories of 2010 already realized!

One-baby to be is doing very well--heard the heartbeat for the very first time today!

Two-hubby has been battling recovering from a tonsillectomy...not recommended for people over the age of 8 in my mind! Two ER trips and a lot of drugs later he's on the road to mending.

Three-We are moving. There I said it. The mess that has strained the seams of our humble abode is actually for a purpose! Hopefully this will be the last time in a looooong time! As my husband so aptly put it,"When we aren't being gypsies..." We are all pretty excited about the new digs, the new surroundings, and the change of pace.

Four-While packing boxes, found out that the basement does leak, and that the spiders came out from hibernation during a warm spell. Ick.

Five-Going to work up my courage and try out another prenatal yoga class. This one is a stone's throw from our new home. No excuses, right? And, even better, I can occasionally reward myself for my good and healthy deeds with a trip to a yummy bakery.

I was going to post a #6 but my attention span and memory at this point are both quite limited.

So, a late Merry Christmas and a most Happy New Year everyone!

Pics of the new place coming soon....

She came in through the bathroom window

2009-12-17T20:24:00.000-08:00

Thank you Beatles lyrics for lending a certain presence to this short blog...

My youngest daughter, Miss C, is 3 years old. Most days she spends her time at home with me. We color, we play dough, we watch cartoons, we read, etc. In and around all of our time together we are working on communication, responsibility, and understanding. And by this I mean, not whining or yelling, not saying "Stop!" at the top of our lungs, and picking up the 50 million tiny pieces of paper littering the floor after "cutting craft hour" : )
While child # 2 was taking a bath I thought it would be nice to have the little one help me clean up the girl's bedroom a bit. So I took in a big rubber "tub" to fill with the overflow dirty clothes currently smooshed up on the closet floor. After she figured out that sitting on a stool in the closet while trying to throw the clothes behind her head in to the bin wasn't actually going to work, we had a great time, and she was quite enthusiastic.
The funny part of this story was when it came to her time to take a bath. I usually have the girls put their clothes in the laundry basket and then scoot on in to the bathtub. Except that this time the basket was still in the basement, leaving only the "tub" mentioned above. Unfortunately for the communication portion of our learning, she thought when I said to put her clothes in the tub, I meant the BATHTUB!! Poor girlie, she kept going back and forth from the bedroom to the bathroom, dirty clothes in hand, with a completely confused look on her face! When I finally figured out what the issue was(a little slow on the uptake!) she was able to put her clothes up and hop in the correct tub!

Just another little snippet of an average day in my mommy life!

Merry Music Makers

2009-12-06T17:36:00.000-08:00

A slightly cheesy favorite of both my husband and I! Mariah, you really used to rock it!

Oh, Judy, your golden voice is truly missed when I think about this song and all the versions made. This one can always make me teary eyed.

With the Advent season in full swing, my mind is always drawn back to this song from Amahl and the Night Visitors by Menotti. The mother sings "All that Gold", desperately asking if rich people know what to do with their gold. I don't wish to be disparaging of people who have more than I, rather this song helps me to remember to cherish and make the most of what I have in this moment.

Happy Advent, all.

H-A-double L-O-double U-Double E-N Spells Halloween!

2009-11-01T21:43:00.000-08:00

So, here it is, for the 2 people following my blog-some Fall pics from us to you!

We:
Visited with Great-Grandma Isabel
Went trick-or-treating with friends
Ate dinner at 8pm at Subway
Crashed!!!
(and I only ate about 5 or 6 pieces of the girl's candy-I think that's an improvement)

xo,

E

ps-there are also some pumpkin gutting pics for your viewing pleasure...although we never actually got around to carving them...

A pot, A pan, A book, A HAT!

2009-10-25T16:32:00.000-07:00

2nd Sewing Project!

It's a little tight around the forehead, but other than that I think it's pretty good for a beginner! Now I need to work on one size up for big sister!

Sew, how are you?

2009-10-17T23:23:00.000-07:00

Dat dat da daaaaa! *flash bulbs exploding* *applause* *astonished faces-first being my mom!*
I just completed a Sewing Basics class tonight. Me and Russian girl. She was very nice, but thought I talked a bit too much. ANYWAY!!!!That is completely beside the point! For the first time since 7th grade home ec. class-(Hi Eric. P. you stupid knee punching bastard)-I sat my ass down in front of a sewing machine and didn't cry!!! In fact, I made a snazzy new kelly green "tote" that will probably be donated to the girl's growing "bag, purse, ensemble" collection due to lack of hand-eye coordination in the stitch department. I would post a picture tonight but in my food-starved haze I only grabbed the necessities from the car this evening-hard cider and mini quiches! I'll take some shots of the bag tomorrow and add them to this little ditty.

Reasons why this class made my day:
Number 1: Made me not afraid of my lovely, charming and talented Viking sewing machine

Number 2: Has inspired me to make cozies for every appliance in the house

Number 3: Helped me get over my fear and shame of creating a windsock entirely opposite the directions given to me in 7th grade

Number 4: Has justified my somewhat impulse buy of my lovely, charming and talented Viking sewing machine

and Number 5: Means I can finally hem all my pants!!! Take that, Size 8 longs!

Now on to Julia Child cooking!! (At least I know a bit more about cooking than sewing!)

Holdfast

2009-10-05T19:43:00.001-07:00

I remember when I was a child my parents and I went to the Monterey Bay Aquarium in Monterey, Cali. Of all the zoos and aquariums I have visited, the giant kelp beds there made the most lasting impression on me.

To look up, up, up, as if you were stretching your neck to heaven, seeing the fronds at the very top, waving silently, in stoic and wise fashion...that was, to me, the most peaceable kingdom. The holdfast, the stipe and the fronds; that is the anatomy of the kelp. I love the idea of the "root structure" being called a holdfast. Its very word structure evokes strength. In truth, the kelp don't receive nutrients from the roots-they gather it from the fronds where they can complete photosynthesis at the top of the water. Maybe I am like that sometimes, especially now because I need something to anchor me, a word, a phrase, a paradigm.

I am no longer working. I used to work 40 hours a week, 8-5, day in, day out. Now I am at home, trying to figure things out. My older daughter is in kindergarten and we recently dropped her after school care so I am picking her up right after school. My youngest daughter has moved to 1/2 days in preschool...All this in an effort to save money/help me have more time with my girls. I would like to say I deal with change well, or at all, but I have a terrible time with it. I usually end up stuffing things down until they come up either literally, as in throwing up, or technically, in conversations with people. Not good. So I am making a concerted effort to do as the kelp does. Anchor myself but not always look down. Looking up I see where I receive my nourishment, my support, my life, my health-from the faces of my children, my husband, and the few people I let into my life.

I/We

2009-10-03T21:01:00.000-07:00

I :

don't want to be crafty in the usual way. Cut out the felt animals, the cute scarves, I want practical, I want wood involved sometimes, maybe some welding.I want to create pjs for my darlings, and I don't want a pin cushion that looks like a lighthouse(thank you Joanne crafts for that one.) Not saying I want to be different how everyone else is different or any of that shit, I just can't conform to or create all those cute little items I see all around me via internet and craft stores. Thank goodness I live in a city where roller derby is considered a sport for moms, and black is sold at fabric stores just as much as pink is.

have my first sewing 101 class coming up in a couple weeks and I have to say, I'm feeling a bit lightheaded. That may just be the beer, or it could be that I feel like I am actually going to learn how to thread the flippin' bobbin and needle at the same time and correct the timing and make something for heaven's sake! I'm not asking for the world, here, just a potholder, maybe, and some of those aforementioned pajamas. I also covet oilcloth tablecloths-whether they need sewing or not remains to be seen. i would also like to join in one of my former college roommate's claases at Bolt, a great Portland fabric/sew shop.

We:

are getting prepared for the harvest/halloween/fall season here at Chez Hoyt. Little black and orange ribbons are creeping into the house via my purse, glittery bats and happy pumpkins await hanging by my lovely, talented husband.

baked some colorful leaf sugar cookies today, I and my girls. I love feeling above my depression and anxiety enough to say that I loved doing something with my children. That may sound strange to some of you, but for those of you who have struggled with psych. issues, it is like breathing in the freshest smells after being locked in a moldy basement when you can actually feel like a functioning, somewhat happy person. I will take these things as they come, and I will put them in my heart.

am unemployed.

am growing my hair out.

don't like sweet potato chips anymore, which saddened me a little the other day.

don't understand why Noggin/Nick Jr. has to keep flip flopping it's name.

would like to tune my guitar up and show it to the girls. and play it.

That's most of the world from where I am.

Kickin in it Kindergarten

2009-09-19T22:53:00.000-07:00

Where has the time gone? She's in Kindergarten! Thriving like a good little tomato should.

attack of the killer tomatoes!

2009-08-31T22:10:00.000-07:00

Okay, so since my last post was all doom and gloom, I thought I'd recount some of the lighter side of my life:

I had to do a little grocery shopping tonight at FM and was looking for some tomatoes for salad-time when I noticed a disturbing thing-all the tomatoes I could find were either from Ohio, Canada or Mexico. Now, while I do not begrudge free enterprise, trade or the like, I also want to support my local growers here in Oregon. Maybe it's the fact that I've been here for too long and the hippies have finally gotten me, or because we grew an ass-ton of tomatoes in our little raised bed gardens at our old house last year and I was hankering for some home-grown goodness...Whatever the case, I was not pleased with the selection. Then, after careful searching, I found some beautiful little cherry tomatoes grown in Eugene at 'Ladybug Farms'. Yay!! So I picked up a pack of them suckers and took off for some other pillaging.

The quest for tomatoes got me thinking about something my eldest asked me the other day-'Mom, why are tomatoes fruit?' I racked my brain and couldn't remember the reason why, sorry 7th grade biology! So in the absence of true knowledge I did what any 20th century fool would do and turned to Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tomatoes. See the section about vegetables/fruit.

Tomato tidbit-my littlest one, into shunning anything that can be classified as a vegetable, now enjoys the cherry tomatoes put in her salads-this makes me happy, and makes me think of the song by Pink Martini, "Hang on, Little Tomato".

The sun has left and forgotten me
It's dark, I cannot see
Why does this rain pour down
I'm gonna drown
In a sea
Of deep confusion

Somebody told me, I don't know who
Whenever you are sad and blue
And you're feelin' all alone and left behind
Just take a look inside and you will find

You gotta hold on, hold on through the night
Hang on, things will be all right
Even when it's dark
And not a bit of sparkling
Sing-song sunshine from above
Spreading rays of sunny love

Just hang on, hang on to the vine
Stay on, soon you'll be divine
If you start to cry, look up to the sky
Something's coming up ahead
To turn your tears to dew instead

And so I hold on to his advice
When change is hard and not so nice
You listen to your heart the whole night through
Your sunny someday will come one day soon to you

And last but not least, why did Heinz have to take the pickle off of its bottles of ketchup and replace it with a tomato? Everybody knows ketchup comes from tomatoes, except maybe people who spell it katsup and think it comes from the bloodied pulp of cats....maybe that's just me....Anyway, my eldest, referenced above, made this observation to me, and did not like the replacement of the pickle. She loves pickles and sees it as somewhat of an affront. I sort of agree with her.

All for now.

No, no no!

2009-08-28T21:13:00.000-07:00

I'll be honest. Why not? I am not having a good time. I am not having an easy time. In fact, time and I are not friends right now. I have taken the BFF necklace life gave me and pawned it. I actually screamed every obscenity I know while driving in my car, windows rolled down, to go get my girls from preschool. Why was I doing this? Because I am not having an easy time, and because some strange man decided to wander about the intersection of se 82nd and Foster tonight, looking for the convenience store. Intelligence abounds.
Oh, and I'm sure all this anger/sarcasm/despondency has something to do with other things going on in my life that I feel absolutely no control over. Yay for life! Good job! Way to throw things at me that I can't handle.
I used to hear a bible verse that goes something like, god will never give you more than you can handle. Well, I don't know about any invisible hand tipping the scales out of my favor or anything, but I am feeling like that verse needs a good kick. More than I can handle. I'll show you more than I can handle. Grrrr. Just take a good look at my life.
Not that I tell anyone openly about my life-mainly because I only really talk to one or two people a day outside of work, and two, because I have either managed to alienate my friends, or I operate from an outdated coping mechanism called social anxiety!!!!!
Maybe I'll convince my husband we all need to join the Peace Corp, or a vegan commune, or a religious cult. Or maybe I'll go soak my head. Flip a coin.

Familia

2009-08-09T14:26:00.000-07:00

"A Better Son / Daughter"
-Rilo Kiley

Sometimes in the morning i am petrified and can't move
Awake but cannot open my eyes
And the weight is crushing down on my lungs i know i can't breath
And hope someone will help me this time
Your mother's still calling you insane and high
Swearing it's different this time
And you tell her to give in to the demons that possess her
And that godnever blessed her insides
Then you hang up the phone and feel badly for upsetting things
And crawl back into bed to dream of a time
When your heart was open wide and you loved things just because
Like the sick and the dying

And sometimes when you're on you're really fucking on
And your friends they sing along and they love you
But the lows are so extreme that the good seems fucking cheap
And it teases you for weeks in its absense
But you'll fight and you'll make it through
You'll fake it if you have to
And you'll show up for work with a smile
And you'll be be better you'll be smarter
More grown up and a better daughter
Or son and a real good friend
And you'll be awake and you'll be alert
You'll be positive though it hurts
And you'll laugh and embrace all your friends
And you'll be a real good listener
You'll be honest you'll be brave
You'll be handsome you'll be beautiful
You'll be happy

Your ship may be coming in
You're weak but not giving in
To the cries and the wails of the valley below
Your ship may be coming in
You're weak but not giving in
And you'll fight it you'll go out fighting all of them...

In a Month...

2009-08-08T21:25:00.001-07:00

In a month I'm going to watch you wake up in the usual way, eat your breakfast in the usual way, buckle up in the car in the usual way. But that's where normal ends and down the rabbit hole we go. You will be starting kindergarten. A garden of/for children. Little cabbages and carrots, squash and tomatoes all in pretty little rows and fields. You will not be a carrot because you do not have flaming red hair like I did going into K. You will not be a squash, even though they do have loverly blooms. No, you'll be a beautiful stalk of corn. Or maybe an heirloom tomato. The corn, well, because you are already so tall for your age, your hair is always waving madly about your face, and you blow about in the wind but your roots are always firmly planted, albeit stubbornly, in the dark earth.
I can't wait for you to experience the smells and sights and sounds of your new school. Chalk dust, freshly waxed floors, cafeteria food, brand-new bookbag/lunchbag plastic smell...Lockers, school libraries, gymnasium floors, the cacophony of 400 or so little voices all clamoring at once...
Although I know there will be all these new and wonderful things for you to explore and experience and interpret and file away in your brain for dinner time conversation, I worry. I think, will you cry? Will you like your teacher? Will you be challenged academically and socially and mentally? Will the kids be nice? Will you make friends? Will I just keep worrying every day until they put that graduation cap on your head? Or will you do exactly as I know you will...
Yes, something more like that. Your head will spin, your eyes will light up, your feelings and thoughts will find their voice, your hand will find anothers to hold, and you will be fine. More than fine, actually. You will thrive...A little water, a little sunlight, lots of tender love and attention from mom and dad, teachers and friends, and you will grow so tall and so healthy and so fruitful. I can't wait.
Well, maybe another month...

Going over the edge

2009-07-31T22:37:00.000-07:00

I read a series of books in the mid 90's written by Terry Pratchett. They were science fiction/fantasy and I loved every single one of them. His description of how the world in the physical sense ends always helped paint a vivid picture for me of the world his characters were living in. The planet was called Discworld, and it was a flat disc on top of a giant turtle, floating through the galaxy. Water just flowed off the edge of the world, endlessly.
Sometimes I wish the world were flat so I could just walk in a straight line all the way across it, double back, and then walk over the edge, down the waterfall, just to see what lies beyond it.
Or maybe it could be like the world of The Little Prince, a round world that he walked around and around. I haven't read that book or been read that book in so long that I can't remember much more than the cover-a little boy in a blue shirt, broom in hand, defying gravity.

Part Two

The End is Near

2009-07-29T09:53:00.000-07:00

As a child I had some exposure to religious fanaticism, some experiences in the church, some outside. I can't recall if I ever saw someone holding a sign saying "The End is Near!", but I sat through enough Sunday school classes with topics like "The Rapture" and the book of Revelation to know that some people just can't seem to wait for the end of times.
I remember how a good friend of mine in college and I used to email back and forth and trade song lyrics-often the songs of U2 would come up. They have a song I remember as including the words, "You were acting like it was the end of the world." Now, whether or not someone can actually predict the end times (Nostradomous, The National Enquirer, etc.), is of little concern to me. I have enough going on in my day to day life that when or how the world stops or my time on it ends does not make much of a difference.
How I live my life, however, is another thing altogether...

Part one

A psalm

2009-07-11T16:02:00.000-07:00

My life goes on in endless song
Above earths lamentations,
I hear the real, though far-off hymn
That hails a new creation.

Through all the tumult and the strife
I hear its music ringing,
It sounds an echo in my soul.
How can I keep from singing?

While though the tempest loudly roars,
I hear the truth, it liveth.
And though the darkness round me close,
Songs in the night it giveth.

No storm can shake my inmost calm,
While to that rock Im clinging.
Since love is lord of heaven and earth
How can I keep from singing?

When tyrants tremble in their fear
And hear their death knell ringing,
When friends rejoice both far and near
How can I keep from singing?

In prison cell and dungeon vile
Our thoughts to them are winging,
When friends by shame are undefiled
How can I keep from singing?

-Doris Plenn

Evolution

2009-06-21T21:51:00.000-07:00

Charlie Darwin

Set the sails I feel the winds a’stirring
Toward the bright horizon set the way
Cast your reckless dreams upon our Mayflower
Haven from the world and her decay

And who could heed the words of Charlie Darwin
Fighting for a system built to fail
Spooning water from their broken vessels
As far as I can see there is no land

Oh my god, the waters all around us
Oh my god, it’s all around

And who could heed the words of Charlie Darwin
The lords of war just profit from decay
And trade their children’s promise for the jingle
The way we trade our hard earned time for pay

Oh my god, the waters cold and shapeless
Oh my god, it’s all around
Oh my god, life is cold and formless
Oh my god, it’s all around

-by The Low Anthem

like water on a rock

2009-06-20T19:48:00.000-07:00

Ever heard Rufus Wainwright sing "Across the Universe" by The Beatles? Well, what are you waiting for? Heard Fiona Apple's cover of it that played in the movie "Pleasantville"? It's on YouTube...

I sit here looking out our dirty spare bedroom window listening to this and other Beatles covers from the soundtrack "i am sam". Never saw the movie, but I am just a little more than slightly in love with the Beatles. I looked up what "Jai guru deva om" means, and not only am I embarrased to say I thought he was saying something about Jackaroo, which was a book I read in junior high(as improbably as that may be), but it is Sanskrit. Oops.

On 4 February 2008, at 00:00 UTC, NASA transmitted[2] "Across the Universe" in the direction of the star Polaris, 431 light years from Earth. The transmission was made using a 70m antenna in the DSN's Madrid Deep Space Communication Complex, located outside of Madrid, Spain. It was done with an "X band" transmitter, radiating into the antenna at 18 kW.

This was done to celebrate the 40th anniversary of the song's recording, the 45th anniversary of the Deep Space Network (DSN), and the 50th anniversary of NASA. The idea was hatched by Beatles historian Martin Lewis, who encouraged all Beatles fans to play the track as it was beamed to the distant star. The event marked the first time a piece of music had ever been intentionally transmitted into deep space, and was approved by Paul McCartney, Yoko Ono, and Apple Records.[3] (The first musical interstellar message was "1st Theremin Concert to Aliens", section 2 of the Teen Age Message.)

Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup,
They slither while they pass, they slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my open mind....

What was Lennon's world-and how did all those thoughts/feelings/moments/images not change it? He surely dug transcendentalism and meditation...did those things really drift through his mind, leaving nothing permanent behind?

I want to make more time to meditate. I have a tendency to think of things clinically, and not fluidly. I can't explain the difference very well, but it feels like the difference between strolling on a beach or running on hot coals.

Wu wei:literally meaning without action. Wei wu wei: action without action. Often paralelled with water-soft and weak but it can carve out stones and flow unendingly.

Circling...

2009-06-08T20:08:00.000-07:00

Depression-sometimes it's a disease, sometimes it is a scavenger. It senses the dread, the weariness, the hopelessness, the despair, the anguish, it circles, and it finds the carrion. Your dreams, your hopes, your sense of self, your ability to see the future clearly, all the treasures and loveliness and wonderful sounds and scenes of your life...she finds it, this bird.

So what do I do? I put on a head scarf-you can't touch my mind. I wear a cloak-no pecking at my heart. I keep my eyes open-look out. I turn my head-too quick for you. I breath deep and find a change of scenery.

I will continue to try to elude you, scavenger. I will run through water, I will swim through sand. I will fly in mud and climb stairs of clouds. You will never really have me. Claim me. My mind is my own. I may always struggle with depression, with anxiety...and all the complexities tied to these "diseases". That's okay-if I can spend the rest of my life embracing and embellishing who and what I am. Not trying to escape it...

Potty Mouth

2009-05-11T21:36:00.000-07:00

Abigail was a dream during potty training. One day she just decided to go to the bathroom, clean herself up, and only use big-girl underwear. That was almost 3 years ago and she has been going strong ever since.
Charlotte, on the other hand, has been a completely different story. A beautiful story, but not at all like her big sister! She is 2 1/2 and doing really well in the bathroom department, only using pull-ups at night when(I can imagine) it would be hard to remind your body to hold it for 10 hours straight! (I, on the other hand, wake up at least once a night to pee, waaaay more when I was preggers!)

A few highlights of the potty-saga for Miss Char:
This past weekend we went to the park. Charlotte was doing really well until up to the very end. Then she started hopping around and looking a bit desperate. I asked her if she needed to go potty and she kept telling me no. The next thing I know, we're beginning to walk back to the house, still in the park, though, and she does a little squat maneuver and pees all over the bark chips. She looks up at me, totally bewildered and I'm sure embarrassed, and says "Mommy, I peed on a stick." I looked down and said, "You sure did, but look at how clean you kept your legs!" We then walked back(well, waddled)home and promptly took a bath!
The other two delightful instances happened at home. The 1st one I had jumped in the shower while hubby was at Mass, leaving the girls to play for 10 minutes in their bedroom. Not usually a big deal. But apparently when the bathroom door is closed halfway, Charlotte took that as a No Vacancy sign, and peed all over her bedroom/hallway floor. I was alerted to this fact mid-rinse by Abigail yelling her head off into the door "Charlotte peed on the floor!!!!". This child has a future on the stock market floors...good lungs and always to the point.
2nd time the girls had just gone to bed when Charlotte started whining she had to go potty. So Zakk and I asked Abigail if she would take her in the bathroom. The helpful big sis obliged and we assumed all was well. Until Abigail started yelling something down the stairs I couldn't quite hear. But then it became very, VERY clear. Charlotte had not managed to put the lid up before going potty. Not only was there pee on the floor and in the potty, there was pee all over the seat, on the little potty chair she used as a stool, and all over her. All I could manage between grunting and sweating, crouched on the floor cleaning was "Charlotte, Rule #1 of going potty is to have the lid up, okay, honey?"

The saga continues...

Only You

2009-05-01T21:02:00.000-07:00

This is just one photo to remind me of the joys I have found with my two daughters. Growing up an only child was definitely not the easiest at times, and I'm sure having siblings is not always easy, either. But I love to look at my two girls and hope that for their future they can continue to share the heartaches, the joys, the struggles and the love they are already learning about, together.

I am one lucky momma.

And it's all a part of growing up...

2009-04-30T14:07:00.000-07:00

So, what's new?
Well, we are finally getting better"on track" with our financials...thanks to Zakk and 'Mint'. I know it may seem impossible that a family of 4 with two people working full time could not hold on to a semi-middle class budget but, well, there you go...

Our family is going to be moving to the lovely neighborhood of Sellwood in the not too distant future. I am excited to be making a change, even though it seems like we just moved into our beautiful Victorian in North Portland! This new place is closer to my work, and with Abigail starting Kindergarten in the fall, it puts us in a good distance from both the girl's schools. We will be right by a large park which makes the 5 pounds of winter weight on me happy! Walk it!

We had a local moving company come out and look over the house to give us an estimate on all of our stuff... and that leads me in to another thing I want to report: we are FINALLY streamlining our home, as in-if it's not nailed to the floor and/or providing a useful function, get it the hell out! Goodwill has been blessed with quite a few items, as well as Craigslist and Ebay-we won't be undersold!!

That's it for now. Maybe I'll post some pictures tonight if I'm not totally worn out from picking up the girls, driving home, getting dinner on the table, giving baths, reading stories, and making sure everyone who is NOT fully potty trained has used the bathroom before bed time(Sampson.....)

Shut the F@#k up!

2009-04-25T09:33:00.000-07:00

Okay, and with that overly dramatic title you're probably wondering what the hell I'm getting ready to write about. Well, people. I deal with people all day-customers, doctors, nurses, practitioners, insurance companies, co-workers, medical staff, etc. The thing I am running into is how to keep my mouth shut while still staying true to myself. See, I am really good at being a yes-man on the phone and a lot of times in person. I am agreeable with the people I deal with all day at my job, but that, I have been finding out, is just a way to keep up an unhealthy practice that does not allow me to say what I think/feel/want, etc.
Like take today for example. I got a call from two higher ups about a patient who was upset with me and said I was a liar. Now, the last time I was blatantly called a liar by someone who was not a family member or friend, I had an asshole professor in college tell me I lied about turning in a paper-which, by the way, I did NOT lie about! I turned the damn thing in-I can't help it if he was a completely scatterbrained pig of a teacher. ugh. (ps-I ended up getting a B in his class all because of that "missing" paper-surprised he didn't turn me in to the term paper Nazis.)
Anyway, this person who said I lied about something had only one week ago, gone on a tirade(via phone) about how we live in a socialist society, that giving tax money to help people in need was wrong and that all people who couldn't make as much money as he could should basically rid the world of their personage. Now, the polite, tactful, customer service oriented Erin just sort of laughed it off and steered the person back to the task at hand, whatever it happened to be at the time. The real me wanted to tell him that he was speaking in an offensive manner and that I would rather be a socialist, bleeding heart liberal than a capitalistic asshole!
Whatever. Point is, when you get me on the phone at work I will be as genteel as a belle, but please do not expect to get my real thoughts on issues while at work.
Oh misguided patients who think my main goal in life is to smile and nod at them.
Wake up!

Whatnots

2009-04-13T14:00:00.000-07:00

For some reason the crazy, cranky, unpredictable weather in PDX has a way of making me smile. Maybe it's that the changes are constant, an unlikely pairing, or maybe it's because it reminds me of my moods-see above. Today it has been sunny, rainy, windy, it has hailed, and I head a burst of thunder not too long ago.

I have found that odd phone calls always come in threes here at work. Much like celebrity deaths. Always in threes. If only two people have passed on, well, wait for the next copy of US Weekly to come out and you'll have your trinity. As a note to that thought, there is an 80% chance of one of the phone calls being a pre-recorded solicitation. So far I need to refinance my house, buy a house, buy a forclosed house, stop my house from being forclosed on, buy a car warranty, subscribe to DISH network, get out of debt, get out of debt fast, and eliminate all my debt with one easy call. I can find out what wonderful things are waiting in store for me in a free trip to the Islands(which ones they're refering to, I'm not sure), and more than once my future, I've been told, can be secured with one simple phone call to sign up for one simple seminar...

That's all for now, folks. Just some minor musings.

It's not Mastercard

2009-03-21T22:08:00.000-07:00

Waffles for breakfast
Snuggle time on the couch
Playing one-on-one on the floor with the littlest one while big sister goes to ballet practice
dinner at the overlook cafe
car ride doing the usual architectural tour of PDX
chatting with the husband about the future
playing with the flashlight and light board in the tent with the girls before bed...
all these things are priceless

Communion

2009-03-19T20:15:00.000-07:00

"And the deepest level of communication is not communication, but communion. It is wordless. It is beyond words, and it is beyond speech, and it is beyond concept. Not that we discover a new unity. We discover an older unity. My dear, we are already one. But we imagine that we are not. And what we have to recover is our original unity. What we have to be is what we are."

a closing prayer by Thomas Merton

Outside In

2009-03-16T21:17:00.001-07:00

Driving home tonight I looked at my two wonderful daughters in the rearview mirror and got one of those elusive snapshots of them immortalized forever in my brain, me on the outside looking in.

It is a rare moment when I can see my children 'objectively'; at least as much as motherly possible! Usually I am correcting grammar, laughing, telling one to be more quiet, asking the other one to take her thumb out of her mouth and talk to me, blithely unaware that life is happening to me at that very moment.

Seeing them, one, two, looking at me, me seeing them looking at me, as their mother, that was a good moment, a good day.

Lovely

2009-03-04T19:38:00.000-08:00

John Waterhouse

Smile Deux

2009-03-04T11:27:00.000-08:00

Smile One

2009-03-02T19:31:00.000-08:00

Garden Gnomes make me smile.

Love

2009-02-22T22:12:00.000-08:00

dance 101

2009-02-17T20:40:00.000-08:00

I am a wallflower. I stand at the back of the room, blending in with the scenery, hoping not to be noticed. I am also a hypocrite. I want to be seen, talked to, danced with so desperately that it practically sweats out of my pores. But all the hairpins fall out of my up-do and you never see me at all. You just walk around smiling at people, happy in the knowledge that you can leave me at the table-we didn't come together as a date.
I guess that was reverse karma for not going to the dance with my future husband. I hope not to make the same mistake in the future's past.
Life feels like a dance sometimes.
Choose a partner with dry palms.
Drink horrid punch you wish was spiked.
Smile like you mean it.
Go alone, leave alone.

Maybe it's just me.

Down the rabbit hole once more

2009-02-16T21:39:00.000-08:00

Twas brillig, and the slithy toves

Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"

He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought—
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.

And as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! and through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

"And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"
He chortled in his joy.

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

'The Jabberwocky'
-Lewis Carroll

ps-Tim Burton is reported to be working on a live-action/CGI version of A in W. for 2010. yipee!

Wisdom of the 4 year old

2009-02-13T10:52:00.000-08:00

Abigailisms for the week:

"I can't eat the pizza without the cheese on top!"(wailing and crying commenced)

"Well I'm just not going to talk to you!"

"Maybe her poop is frozen inside her."(Referring to her younger sister during a particularly fun potty training incident)

"Barack Obama is our boss at the White House. He uses pens, not markers. They don't use markers at the White House. (I then asked her how she knew that and she said): I just know that he wouldn't. He's the boss."

and does everyone remember the words to Jingle Bells that go like this "Joy to the world, something something something. We bar-b-q'd her head! mumble, mumble, mumble, Barbie, something something, flushed her down the potty..."??
Well, I do, because my sweet Abby decided to sing it while on the way to preschool today.

When I asked her not to sing those lyrics because they weren't very nice, she proceeded to do this "de darbqued der dead! de dlushed der down da dotty..."
-See how smart she is??

Aack!

My momma don't sew!

2009-02-05T16:14:00.001-08:00

Okay, so I'm kind of copying the last theme from a dear friend's blog post. But it has been festering inside of me and I feel all kerfloobeldy now-I WANT TO SEW!!!!!

I have a sewing machine that I bought from a lovely woman at JoAnn's last year. It has been sitting upstairs, lonely, dusty and confused for several months now. I read the instruction manual, I bought a pretty helpful book, but now I think I've done something to the tension and it's all wonky! It isn't computerized(I ain't got no money for that!), and since the last thing I sewed was an inside-out windsock in the 7th grade, I'm a little concerned for its future use! I even signed up for a class at the craft store that would go over the basics and hopefully give me some dummy-proof guidance. UNFORTUNATELY, I missed the class because I wrote the time down wrong. Urghh! So now I am afraid to take the plastic cover off and brave re threading it, retuning it and figuring out what the hell I did to the tension! Somebody save me from myself!! I want to be cool, I want to be kitsch. I want to make quirky little animals and hip, vintage aprons and snuggly pillows...
Will my dreams come true? Will I find a way to conquer my fears? Will somebody please help me figure this damn thing out?!

Tune in next time for a second exciting installment of U 2 Can Sew.

-E

Family Stone

2009-02-02T15:19:00.000-08:00

I know having a family is a choice. But I also know that raising children and maintaining a healthy family unit is one of the most difficult jobs I have ever undertaken, and that having help along the way is the only way to thrive, not simply survive. I recently became involved in a movement here in Portland to bolster support for state-wide and national awareness of the need for paid family leave. I believe this is just one more way to support the individual needs of the child, the combined needs of the parents, and the more reaching goals of community and global support.
As I look on my own two children, my husband, and all the people who support and love us, I see our ties reaching further than our own home, our own city. Families make up our world. Please support them.

Black Bird

2009-01-25T12:38:00.000-08:00

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Black bird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
all your life
you were only waiting for this moment to be free

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

-Blackbird by The Beatles

Both my girls heard this song not long out of the womb. Abigail and I would sit in the rocking chair in her nursery and I would sing to her or hum the tune and it always seemed to calm her down. Charlotte heard it as well, sitting on the couch through many a long night nursing.
I hope they will remember it when they get older. I know I will always remember those times with them.

blue bird

2009-01-24T19:15:00.000-08:00

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chilliest land
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

-Emily Dickinson

Fambly

2009-01-17T20:32:00.000-08:00

Here are a couple pictures of Great-Grandma Mead, Aunt Pam, and the rest you probably already know. These were taken before Christmas at our house. The first time G-G had seen Charlotte. I'm so glad she and Pam could come into Portland for this visit.

Friends don't let friends do Midol

2009-01-05T21:52:00.000-08:00

5 Reasons I don't like Midol:

1. Midol: my-doll. how sexist is that? like only girls get dolls?!

2. Midol has a diuretic in it. and diuretics are the biggest word-cons in history. I used to think, before I had ever seen the word spelled, or heard what the definition was, they were actually things to magically help you d-i-e-t.

3. Midol has caffeine. This actually takes up two places on the list-

4. When I've got heaving cramps of doom, the last thing I want to do is to be hepped up on 5 million mg of caffeine, running around cleaning everything in sight. I want to be comatose, curled up on the couch with a blanky.

and #5. What guy/girl wants to have his or her girlfriend, wife, partner, free-basing with caffeine? because personally speaking, I can be a real bitch when I am feeling the menstrual spirit. Breaking the land-speed record for nagging and/or general rudeness is not something I want to be remembered for.

Maybe those year-round menstrual cycle blockers aren't such a bad idea after all??

love ya,
E

List #1

2009-01-01T21:49:00.000-08:00

Today I:

1. had to make coffee twice due to the filter imploding on the first batch.

2. made my youngest daughter upset by forcing her to eat a green bean, one solitary
little green bean, even after it had turned to mush by her mulling it around in her mouth for 5 minutes.(and she still wouldn't eat the damn thing!)

3. bought a pendant and some beads to take up my long lost like of jewelry-making.

4. vowed to not eat salt and pepper kettle chips until I could control myself to only one small handful.

5. cursed the constant liquid deluge outside once or twice.

6. watched the HGTV dream home 2009 and lusted over Sonoma County, CA

7. only did one load of laundry

8. got the chance to play for a blissful hour and a half with my littlest little while daddy and sister were out.

Tomorrow's forcast: Rain, grumpy co-worker, and one headlight.

g'night!

if I had a million dollars

2008-12-30T20:37:00.000-08:00

Hello fair friends,

As soon as I get the camera back I will regale you with fantabulous pics of our happy Jesus day fun pirate scary holiday adventure!(T-that last bit was for you!)
I'm glad to see others have had a good holiday-it always seems to create more stress than it relieves, but we strive to rise above all that, right?!
I got some loverly things from friends and family, not the least is a black velvet opera cape from my husboard. Can I pick them or what? (not that I have another husband, but you know what I mean.)
And, after reading my sis-in-law's latest blog, I have to confess I have a package for her tots all ready to go. My plan is to actually run out the door at 7am with it in my hands this time instead of leaving it by the hall tree!

Blessings and best wishes to you all as we reach New Year's Eve,
E

give me a pen and paper

2008-12-25T20:23:00.000-08:00

I need to remember something. When blogger asks if I want to delete all my current html, say no. Just say no. Now I have to re-enter all the sites I like looking at and the friend's blogs I like to go visit. arrggh!

Gratitude

2008-12-20T20:35:00.000-08:00

Love your life, poor as it is. You may perhaps have some pleasant, thrilling, glorious hours, even in a poorhouse. The setting sun is reflected from the windows of the almshouse as brightly as from the rich man's abode.

Henry David Thoreau

Neti Magic

2008-11-24T17:07:00.000-08:00

Back in the day I used to work for a wonderful lady who was an acupuncturist and naturopathic doctor. Among the many things I learned from her was the art of using a Neti pot. What's that, you ask? It is a magical, non-mechanical, stylish, handy dandy nose cleaner outer!
I have not been as faithful a user as I once was, but I still hold it in high esteem. The neti pot can help with symptoms from headaches to sinus infections and allergies. We have recently begun using a form of the Neti pot, the Neil-med on our youngest daughter who has had problems with her sinuses almost since birth.

Of course she is not too thrilled about having warm saline water shot up her nose at 6 o'clock in the morning, but it has already improved the clarity of her speech and her snot factor has decreased in volume and is not green any more!
With cold and flu season upon us, I recommend everyone get on the neti bandwagon and have a go at shooting water up their nose! Today!

Job-like

2008-11-17T16:39:00.000-08:00

No, not job, Job, as in the man of many sorrows from the Old Testament...
So I'm driving along I205 no problems, speeding happily towards work when a great commotion commences under the hood of my precious 49 Volvo. It was just in the shop, I think, what the heck? I shakily make it to work, pull in to the parking lot and shudder to a stop. Call USAA for towing service. Tow man cometh. Starts car. Says, hey, that sound sounds familiar. Mind if I look under the hood? No, I say. He pops open the hood and low and behold a spark plug is missing. Missing, I say? Yes, he says. So the beast of burden is hauled off to the volvo hospital where they diagnose her with a missing spark plug. Less than $20 later we are back in business, picking the baby up tonight!
Then I get in to work and my computer won't turn on. Which is funny because I never turn it off. Not sure about that one. Get it turned on but then it won't connect to the server. So I reboot. It connects to the Internet just fine but not to our corporate connection. Yikes! I curse a little under my breath for good measure, reboot the bloody server again and yipee it works!
Then my mouse won't work. Two AA batteries later and I'm working along.
Theeeen I go to the bathroom and notice that my sort-of-new black tights have mirrored runs in them on the outside of my legs. dammit! Skirt gets pulled down a little bit more to hide this most egregious misstep. Nobody at Starbucks said anything so I think I was okay.

just a little job-like day.

post script

2008-11-07T15:06:00.000-08:00

Computer is back and better than ever! (thank-you Old Town Computers!!)

Zakk has the flu so we gals are fending for ourselves-hopefully a night of a movie and popcorn to sooth the savage beasties!

Now I keep forgetting to charge my phone at home...I wish I could remember everything.

Alternaween: So this year we did things a little different. Somewhat out of necessity and somewhat to keep our sanity!
#1 was a black kitty kat and #2 was a little monkey with a built-in banana in her pocket! Dad was good enough to haul them around from Halloween spectacular at their preschool to our old babysitter's house so we could go out and see a fantastic show just we two!
The children had their fill of spooky cartoons and candy to last them until next year's "scary pirate halloween adventure"!

ps-no-one egged the house while we were gone-thank you NoPo's!

noties

2008-11-03T15:46:00.000-08:00

home computer crashed.
alternative Halloween.
The Medium-awesome!
Lux Aterna-beautiful
don't leave phone charge at work.
write notes to people.

back for more later.

Fa Sol La Part I

2008-10-16T20:53:00.000-07:00

I wanted to write this well crafted blog about my new found enthusiasm for shape note singing. But I only got as far as saving it in the edit phase with two sentences and a discontinued link to a website under construction. So I thought I'd try another angle.
I was trying to think of the reasons I have become so fascinated with shape note singing and the first thing that came to me was my childhood. My father was a chaplain for 20 years in the US Army. And before that he was a minister at a church in a small logging town in Oregon. I can't remember the first hymn tune I learned, or the first one I heard, but I can remember the joy I felt sitting next to my mom(when my dad was preaching) or both my parents and hearing them sing from the hymnal, sometimes looking down at the notes and the words, sometimes looking up at the alter, knowing the tune by heart. I would look around the room and see some people with their eyes closed, not even needing to look at the book. When I got to be about middle school age my goal became to learn harmony to the hymns I knew so well. My mother would sing treble with her beautiful soprano and I would weave my voice around hers in alto or tenor companionship. If I didn't always enjoy the sermon, which tended to happen especially when we had a southern baptist chaplain on post, I nearly always felt a connection to, and a feeling of happiness with my inner self, my family, and my god while the congregation sang. The churches I worshipped in usually had a piano or organ for accompaniment. When we lived in Germany we were blessed with an incredible organist who was classically trained and would play Bach and Wieder before the start of the service. There were pianists, organists, and sometimes a choir. If I could choose one experience that stands out for me as unique, though, I would pick the times we sang acapella. To be able to hear all the voices, men, women, children, quavery, melodious, airy or booming, without aid of accompaniment, this was something that felt special and made for a more intimate setting during worship.

That leads me to shape note singing...

My sister-in-law is missing

2008-10-15T14:15:00.001-07:00

There is a hole in our lives where she should be. There is a place set at the table where she should sit. Come home.

La Dolce Diva: Renee Fleming

2008-10-01T20:41:00.000-07:00

Two of my favorite things: opera and grand style!

La Dolce Diva | Fashion Model, Designer & Runway Show Videos from Style.com

Economics 101

2008-09-25T16:49:00.000-07:00

I always knew that financial forcasting was best served up by the folks of the fashion world!

because you like it

2008-09-24T21:11:00.001-07:00

This one's for the husband...the Reds are coming, and they're bringing cake...

we don't need no stinking mimeographs!

2008-09-23T20:23:00.000-07:00

How did my day go?
Hey, thanks for asking!
I was hit on with the pick up line, "Hey, how's it goin'? Can I have one of your pens?".
I had to explain, in excruciatingly painful detail, to no less than three people how their own insurance company works.
Filed like I was a house on fire.
Had my triple grande non-fat latte from you-know-where.
Texted my husboard.
And made it home safely with my two little girlies in time for dinner prepared by their wonderful dad.
Ahhh.
"It's getting better all the time" (The Beatles)
And it's about damned time!

How did your day go?

a little ditty

2008-09-22T08:49:00.000-07:00

"I Don't Like Mondays"

[Originally by The Boomtown Rats]

The silicon chip inside her head
gets switched to overload
and nobody's gonna go to school today
she's gonna make them stay at home
And Daddy doesn't understand it
He always said she was good as gold
And he can see no reason
Cos there are no reasons
What reasons do you need to be shown

Tell me why
I don't like Mondays
I want to shoot
The whole day down

The telex machine is kept so clean
and it types to waiting world.
And Mother feels so shocked
Father's world is rocked
And their thoughts turn to
Their own little girl
Sweet 16 ain't that peachy keen
No it ain't so neat to admit defeat,
They can see no reasons
Cos there are no reasons
What reasons do you need to be shown

All the playing's stopped in the playground now
She wants to play with her toys awhile
And school's out early and soon we'll be learning
That the lesson today is how to die
And then the bullhorn crackles
And the captain tackles
With the problems and the how's and why's
And he can see no reasons
Cos there are no reasons
What reasons do you need to die

To all me hearties...

2008-09-20T21:29:00.000-07:00

This weekend is the 3rd Annual Portland Pirate Festival. Arrggh! But in a good way. My husband rolled his eyes and told me to have fun, but I think I might be able to pursuade him with the thought of eye patches and lots of non-gender specific facial hair. Ummm, maybe not. But I think the girls would have a rip-roaring time and that I might have fun in spite of myself! Besides, it's only about a 1/2 mile from our house so it would really be a shame to miss it.
Tomorrow's blog will tell. Wish me luck on the high seas...

Calm Before the Storm

2008-09-10T20:46:00.000-07:00

beginnings of a completed thought.

there are several stages to a storm, specifically a tornado.
dust whirl stage
organizing
maturing
shrinking
decay

...and then the aftermath...

what stage is this thing in?
all I know is the winds are gathering speed, carrying things in their grasp.
The storm is coming.

Memory

2008-09-09T20:39:00.000-07:00

You make me so very happy.

I'm so glad you came into my life.

you be great

2008-09-03T20:35:00.000-07:00

Why is it I can go around talking to myself all day, thinking in my head all the wonderful tidbits I could add to a super stellar blog and when I sit down at the computer I can't manage to squeeze out one cohesive thought? I feel rusty in the writing department. Whenever I get home I manage to fix dinner, clean up, hang out with my wonderful man, read whatever is sitting on the night stand and then crash into bed. That does not leave a lot of room for composition.
I check some of my friends blogs and they have posted happy happy joy joy pictures and little capsules of fun descriptions of their simply wonderful happy happy lives and all I want to do is throw my very nice ready-for-fall shoes at the computer screen in what is probably a mixture of dissatisfaction, jealousy and depression. Probably not the most healthy response. But I can't find it in me to keep up appearances online. Sometimes I'll throw in a couple pictures of my beautiful kid-lits but most of the time I just write to get it all out of my head before it explodes.

I can' think of anything else to write for the moment. I'm sure I'll think of something profound while watching Mad Men. If you haven't yet, check that show out on AMC! It is swell!

scary pirate holiday adventure

2008-08-28T19:36:00.000-07:00

OCP Company Picnic/Family Day at Oaks Park
Woohoo!!

Splish Splash Part 2

2008-08-23T17:47:00.000-07:00

Sooo, after our lovely outing to the beach we all arrived home, tired but happy. I was downstairs doing something, Zakk was upstairs giving the girls a bath, when I heard Charlotte start screaming. It seems she had stood up in the bath, slipped on the tub plug, and slammed her head into the corner of the faucet. A blood bath(no pun intended) ensued, due to the wonderful reaction of warm water on a superficial facial cut. Hubby and I rushed her to the emergency room, leaving my parents with Abigail to finish up bath time and reassure her that baby sis was going to be okay. Fortunately the laceration was not very long or deep, and the nice folks in the ER put some Dermabond on the wound(Superglue for the medical world) and sent us on our way. I am pleased to say Charlotte was a complete trooper and didn't even cry when they had to clean out the wound and apply the glue. She is back to her old self, the wound is healing nicely, and she has managed to keep her butt in the tub, not perched on the ledge! One ER visit down, ?? to go!

nifty paper site

2008-08-17T21:47:00.001-07:00

I just found this website while trolling for crafty things to look at. The name is YellowOwl Workshop and I really enjoyed their stationary and more. Some really clever ideas for invites and such. They also do customized orders. Check them out if you have a chance!

Splish Splash Part 1

2008-08-17T21:20:00.001-07:00

Let me start by saying that I am not a jungle jane. I don't like heat, I am a pansy, I wilt, all the while griping and moaning. The reason I say this is because the dog days of August really came up and bit me in the ass. It was between 100 and 106 the past three days here in lovely PDX! It just happened to work out that one of those days, Sat., my parents were coming down so we could all take a day trip to beautiful Cannon Beach and Ecola State Park. All was packed and ready to go by 9am, a lovely taco salad picnic, fresh watermelon and some illegal beverages in the cooler. The list was checked twice and we all piled in for a day to beat the heat. It was a gorgeous day-sunny, a little wind, blue skies after a little mist coming over the mountain range. We drove in, set up at the park, and took a little walk before digging in. The only thing shadowing this lovely day is that I was having some hormonal issues and basically acted like a complete bitch from time to time, even telling my husband to shut up in front of lovely parents and adoring children. (sorry sweets!). After the fog wore off, as well as my attitude issues, we had a wonderful time, complete with dancing around with a whirly gig, watching a young couple get married right by the water, and talking with the grounds keeper(who suspiciously looked a lot like Santa Claus!) and his wife. After another little hike with Momma, Nanna and Abigail, we headed over to Tolovana just past Haystack Rock.

The beach was not too crowded and we staked out a place for our entourage just close enough to the water. The girls had a magnificent time! It was Charlotte's first time in the water and she was a little trooper, even letting me dip her in up to her tummy a couple times! Brrr! Abigail was a screaming banshee of pure delight, taking Momma, Daddy, Nanna and Grampa for runs into the waves, laughing and jumping all the way. She face planted a couple times in some bigger waves but even that didn't deter her joy! We sort of made some sand castles but it is a rather delicate process when you have a two year old smashing everything in to make sand-cakes!The beach has always been a favorite place of mine. I am so happy I was able to share the day with some of the people who mean the most to me in this world. The only thing I am little bummed about is my lack of pictures. Some I used the natural light setting on the camera for and then turned out crappy, and then I left the camera downstairs(computer is upstairs) and I am too damn tired to upload them now! See future post for pics!

chillin' and maxin'

2008-08-11T20:10:00.000-07:00

just one

2008-08-10T22:25:00.001-07:00

sometimes families are the stones you line your pockets with on your way down to the river.

gemini

2008-08-05T21:15:00.000-07:00

gemini girl is split down the middle
her hair beyond the pale blue eye
rough hand seeking to brush tears from the brown one
like a Picasso, square breasts, cubed fingers
clasped together
beholding the fragments of the future
brushing away the past like crumbs.

she always wakes up with a headache
for the halves never meet.
one side is shy
one makes love in a public bathroom
one side tells them they aren't bothering her
the other yells in their faces

she can't help herself.

she wants the country air
and a shining towering condo in the city.
she wants another baby to smile upon,
she wants to give the ones she has away

consumed with a split vote
neither party winning
neither one to rule

no she didn't!

2008-08-03T22:10:00.000-07:00

the other day we, my two lovely little ones, and my husband, were in the car on our way somewhere, when my older daughter, A., started kicking the back of my seat ever so gently. The intensity of the kicking increased and I calmly said to A., "I hope you're not kicking the back of my seat" to which she replied, "Does it sound like I'm kicking the back of your seat?". To this I could only hang my jaw in astonished incredulity and wheeze/gasp. If this is only a preview of life to come, I am going to need a staff or team or something to keep up with that mouth/mind!

then there were three

2008-07-04T15:04:00.000-07:00

Miracles
by Walt Whitman

Why, who makes much of a miracle?
As to me I know of nothing else but miracles,
Whether I walk the streets of Manhattan,
Or dart my sight over the roofs of houses toward the sky,
Or wade with naked feet along the beach just in the edge of the water,
Or stand under trees in the woods,
Or talk by day with any one I love, or sleep in the bed at night
with any one I love,
Or sit at table at dinner with the rest,
Or look at strangers opposite me riding in the car,
Or watch honey-bees busy around the hive of a summer forenoon,
Or animals feeding in the fields,
Or birds, or the wonderfulness of insects in the air,
Or the wonderfulness of the sundown, or of stars shining so quiet
and bright,
Or the exquisite delicate thin curve of the new moon in spring;
These with the rest, one and all, are to me miracles,
The whole referring, yet each distinct and in its place.

Keep the windows open

2008-07-02T21:49:00.000-07:00

bees knees news.

Abigail can now write the letters O, A, M, H and P. She can sing all the songs she learns at preschool word for word with all the motions.
Charlotte knows that if she taps her nose and points at something she is telling me she wants to smell the item. She is not wanting hugs at bedtime right now, but has learned to climb out of her big girl bed(Abigail's old bed) and toddle into our room at 5:45am!
Zakk is getting ready to go on a business trip-a first for him, I think. Cleveland rocks!
I am learning to deal with the fact that I have to wear a god-forsaken lab coat at work over my regular business attire because some of the practice managers thought it would be a good idea. Remind me, if I ever climb high enough on the corporate ladder, that I do not have good ideas...
Abigail is going to begin ballet classes in September and I don't know who is more excited-me, or her. I can't wait for all of that 100% pure energy to get channeled into something beautiful and new for her.

that's all for now, folks...

one liners

2008-06-22T16:44:00.000-07:00

"Mommy, my boo boo looks like bacon now."

"Mommy, I'm going to be really mad if you don't come up here and see my Sponge Bob Square Pants movie."(which by the way, we don't own...)

she's leaving home, bye bye

2008-06-20T22:02:00.000-07:00

Warning: The following statements were written by a fatigued, overly-warm, slightly cranky, low estrogenized, slightly depressed me, not my normal, slightly less fatigued self...

I feel as if my children are slowly moving beyond my reach. I can remember all the nights and days spent nursing Charlotte, spending time with her, just breathing in her baby-smell. I remember, too, talking with Abigail all the time when she was a wee one, playing with her, giving her hugs. Now Charlotte won't let me hug her, doesn't want me to hold her, and basically ignores me as much as humanly possible. I don't have the time I would like to spend giving her more one on one attention because I work all the time and Abigail is definitely a high maintenance child in the attention/need to be challenged respect. And Abigail's perma-chatter is driving me crazy-I love her and the fact that she has more than mastered the English language, but her conversations border on the manic, especially when she feels you are not paying enough attention to her.

So, I am saddened by all this. I realize deep down that most of these thoughts are highly emotional, only slightly tinged with rational thinking. But I feel sad and not a bit lonely, nonetheless.

cyclops

2008-06-18T19:22:00.000-07:00

cyclops: in this case a morphing of cycling and lopsided. This is the state I envision my small frame in as I careen down MLK blvd. to Broadway on my way to work. You see, the bicycle bug has finally infected yours truly. Portland is a wonderful place to ride a bike-not just for exercise and recreation but for commuting. Besides my minor rants against cyclists trying to abide by their own road rules but also adopt and adapt motor vehicle laws and in the process almost kill themselves and give me a coronary, I like watching all the little bipeds tootling around town. And let's face it, transportation ain't as cheap as it used to be.
In light of this and the fact that I really need to get some regular exercise, I have endeavored to find myself a junker bike to ride around our neighborhood on. I figure if I can ride around the block, up to the park and back again enough times, maybe I can lengthen the rides up to a suitable distance and test my physical abilities. If any of you have any suggestions, comments or otherwise, please feel free to express them. As I have not ridden a bike for any length of time in about 14 years, encouragement would also be welcome!
Thanks, and here's to your health!

Snapshots

2008-06-17T21:20:00.000-07:00

Let's have a looky-loo

2008-06-14T15:59:00.000-07:00

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about my motivations in life-why I do what I do. And I have come to realize that a significant portion of my life has been spent doing things for other's approval. If I thought someone else might think something would be a good idea well, then, I would go ahead. If I thought someone might judge my action as 'stupid' or 'weird' or 'boring', etc., I would hold off on making a move. Now I come to a place in my life, that being the beginning of my 30s and hopefully a place where I have worked up to a tad bit more maturity, and I can't do anything without analyzing why I'm doing it. It's narcissism mixed with a smidge of paranoia. Why do we act? What creates urges within us? My hope is that I can come out of this stage with a better understanding of myself. I don't really want to delve any more into my psyche, I just want to be able to choose between Our Daily Bread and Old Wives Tales without having a coronary. I know I am over analyzing things, but with a purpose. Let's call this time part one of me getting my act together so I can do things for myself and think more about my intent rather than if someone is going to give me a smiley or frowny face mark on the chalkboard.Part II coming...

oh they can, can they?

2008-06-12T17:34:00.000-07:00

a couple quick things:

Charlotte the little spent her first night in her big girl bed, donated quite happily by her big sis. Abigail is now enjoying the fruits of IKEAs' wonderful selection of low priced bedroom furniture with a cute black wrought iron day-bed style. I could not believe it when Charlotte drifted off to sleep not 15 minutes after we put in her in her bed complete (of course) with baby doll and book. Not only was it amazing that she fell asleep so quickly, but that she trusted and relaxed so completely in a space foreign to her. It was an almost palpable intent with which she slept. I am blessed beyond knowing with her and her sister.

On a different note...My wonderful other half was explaining to Abigail a week or so ago that we could not go out to eat because we were trying to save money and that basically we didn't have the funds to spare at that time. Abigail looked perplexed but decided to ruminate on the news rather than get too upset.
So, fast forward a week and we have Abigail's follow up to this previous conversation. I was cleaning up around the house and she ran up to me all excited and put out her grubby little hand exclaiming, "Mommy, mommy, I found money! Now we can go out to eat!!!". What did her cherubic little hand hold, why, the estimated total of 75 cents in change from a previous vacuuming excursion. Her excitement was outdone only by my laughter. She's a corker, that one.

ps-we did end up going out that night.

-me

snapshot

2008-05-28T13:09:00.000-07:00

Here is a synposis of the last two weeks as only I recall them:

food poisoning
Hellboy (twice)
home from work
packing
sweating
cleaning
watching my brave husband and kooky father (w/helpful friend Jim) move the entire contents of our house
learning hubby was in car accident
driving
viral infection
sweating and chilling
family visiting
fun times
gelato
more home from work
ding dong
comcast guy
internet is up!

more later.
-Erin

Canst thou cast out into the sea?

2008-05-05T20:19:00.000-07:00

Today has been one of those days that will go down as completely topsy-turvy. It began with my taking a new route to work, which shaves around 15 minutes off my already pretty short commute. Good. However, I was following behind a NW Natural Gas truck when I saw a furry grey and white kitty dart across the street. I held my breath and waited for it to run around the truck but to no avail. It ran right between the front and back tires, hitting one of the tires. The truck drove off and I can only assume he didn't realize what happened because he put on his turn signal and drove quite civillaly onto another street. Well, I was horrified and distraught so I parked my beast of a Volvo in the middle of the road and ran over to this poor animal. She had tried to get up the stairs to someones' walk way but had obviously broken her leg. So she slumped down sideways and I watched, sobbing, as she died. I won't put all the rest of the details because they are not pretty but I will say that at least she had me to pet her little head as she looked out for the last time. Damn it, why do things have to die?! I mean, I know it's the cycle of life and that animals die all the time-but watching it and stroking its gentle fur while it takes its last breath is a completely differnet thing.
So after calling Zakk a zillion times, leaving a note for the poor neighbors and calling the humane society, I said a little prayer for it and drove off to work. I didn't know what else to do, I was pretty shocked.
After that horrific ordeal I get to work and Zakk calls with good news-the guy renting the cool Victorian is going to show us the house today! So I left work at lunch and realized that the house is a couple mere blocks from our old house on N Wabash! We toured the inside, walked around the backyard with its raised beds and nice carport, gawked over the beautiful English-style garden out front, and ran to my car to sign the application as soon as the tour was over! Keep your fingers crossed, friends, that this all comes together the way it's supposed to.
This was definitely not a normal day by any standard, but one I feel has been pretty productive nonetheless. Two things before I go, though. A small prayer for kitty, name unknown, and a small hope that the house issues work out.
peace,
Erin

Dimen

2008-04-27T13:52:00.000-07:00

The digital camera has been on the fritz so I don't have any new pictures to post.

I have been tired beyond all belief upon arrival at home so no really insightful journaling to impart.

My brain has turned to mush after 4 years of child-rearing and no school to speak of-other than being schooled by my two wonderful children.

I did, however, come across an intersting interview with Amy Tan regarding the Dong people from Dimen, a village in southwest China. The Dong people have an amazing oral history, where the history of their people and their culture are passed down from the eldest grandmother to the youngest child. If you would like to see a lovely photo essay and more informatin about this intersting group of people you can find it, as well as the full article by Amy Tan on National Geographic's website.
I was amazed by the beauty of their land and their traditions. I am so used to looking at fashion magazines, popular television and movies that my idea of what is "beautiful" becomes skewed at times. When I see these people, the way they live, and listen to the open emotion and thoughtful insights that are woven into their music, I am reminded of what true artistic beauty is.

"Young children not only sing to greet but also talk about community and the changing of seasons. The song "Spring Is Here, Swallows Fly" talks about the shortness of childhood, using birds as a metaphor:

After winter we get spring / Swallows fly amidst green leaves / Cicadas sing on top of berry trees / High and low sounds fill the mountains / Cicadas' songs are so beautiful, let's stop and listen / You can hear the mountains and forests resounding / Even the birds would stop and listen / There is music, there is love / All four seasons are filled with happiness / We are happy in our hearts

Across the Dong culture, most of the songs celebrate the natural world."
Amy Tan Reveals Stories of Dong Folk Songs

billions of lightyears away

2008-04-23T20:00:00.000-07:00

I have a lot of thoughts going through my head right now. Like why did it take a change in medicine to make me feel relief from the crippling anxiety I have dealt with my entire life? I don't blame anybody, not even myself, not even a god if he exists. I am more astonished than upset. For those of you who don't have an issue with anxiety, count yourselves lucky. I don't say that to be trite. I hope you never have to deal with that particular monkey on your back. The almost constant niggling thoughts, the obsessing, the intrusive second-guessing-it's a bitch to deal with.
I am still struggling with reaching out to people, even people I know well and care about. That hasn't much changed--working on it but it is slow-going. I'm not sure if someone asked me if I would be able to tell them what exactly I'm worried about when it comes to social interactions. It isn't that I don't like people. I either feel a strange complacency which then spills into a general feeling of anxiety and an inability to get motivated, or I create a sterile bubble around myself where others cannot and don't really exist. If that's too personal for anyone reading this, well, it is a "journal" so...

Other than this new self-discovery I don't have much else to report. I like this band I just stumbled onto-"She&Him". They make me think of "The Carpenters" with a little "Au Revoir Simone". I didn't realize it was Zooey Deschanel singing vocals till I looked them up on Merge Records. Take a listen if you like.

more later, friends.
-Eh

women "live"

2008-04-19T17:02:00.000-07:00

Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.

-Dorothy Parker

cuppa joe joe, get a go go

2008-04-14T19:59:00.000-07:00

I am not a fan of Mondays. Today started out to be a particularly unpleasant Monday...

woke up, day two of my period. -

had some coffee +

drove to work in the messiest car ever, the volvo of shame -

had to sit through a two hour office meeting -

bought doughnuts for the office minions +

ate two of said doughnuts -

and on and on it went.

In the middle of the day I went upstairs into my lair, otherwise known as the B breakroom, and did a little daydreaming. One of the items up for discussion at our well-intentioned office meeting was the idea of having everyone wear uniforms. Now, I am not against uniforms in general, or on principle. My father wore a military uniform for 20 years and it suited us just fine. I do object, though, to having to wear a prescribed "blouse" and particular color skirt/pair of pants as a front office staffer. The techies? fine. The practitioners? makes sense. But this body is not meant to be swathed in a beige or peach or light blue or mint green short sleeved sateen button down front collared monstrosity! So to protest quietly amongst myself I had a little "conversation" with my boss in which I told him in no uncertain terms I would not be wearing a uniform. That those shirts would look heinous on me. I told him, boss man, I can't wear a uniform. Part of the reason I went back to work was to dress nice! To wear some semblance of the fashion of the week or month or season. If I wanted to wear a uniform I could have stayed at home and worn a f***ing tee shirt and jeans!

I see my polyester imprisonment upon me, and I shiver.

cartoon voices

2008-03-22T20:43:00.000-07:00

Thursday had a bad driving experience with the girls-cursed at a woman while heading off to work. Abigail just looked at me afterword and said "Mommy, that hurt my ears". I am going to rue the day that one learned to talk...

Friday balanced both days' deposits at work so I shouldn't hear too much bitching from the boss on Monday.

Saturday I actually got out and did some weeding and general tidying up of the front and back yards. It felt good to be outside working in the dirt and such. There are some really annoying allium in the flower beds, though, that are driving me crazy. I am not a fan of their foilage and the flowers are not the pretty ones I always see in Martha Stewart magazines-more like a drab tan color. So I yanked them out while pulling tons of evil clover weeds.

ps-if your child is under the age of five, don't ever make the mistake of telling them Mickey Mouse lives at Disney World. I told Abigail today and she was actually speechless, not a regular state for my daughter, mind you!

Happy Easter everyone!

oh, Alice

2008-03-10T19:37:00.000-07:00

Coming soon...Abigail's 4th Birthday Party!

All mad hatters and rabbits welcome!

Bring tea cups, lead-lined hats optional!

We here at the H household may not have much money, but what we lack in currency we make up for in creativity! This April will be a birthday time to remember. I am excited to be looking forward to something again. And it's easy to feel that silly smiling joy when there's a 3 1/2 year old running around the house talking about her birthday spectacular to come!

Stone Soul Picnic

2008-03-02T13:42:00.001-08:00

it has turned out to be a pretty good weekend...

got out with the kids yesterday and today for some errands, nothing exciting. It hailed and rained yesterday which was entertaining, but now it's sunny and a little chilly. I'm currently watching the movie Bewitched with Nicole Kidman and Will Ferrel. It's actually pretty funny in that "you don't really have to use your brain" sort of way!
Abigail has been acting like a 14 year old-mouthing off and generally being the water to my rock of patience. Slowly, slowly...
Charlotte has some sort of allergy/cold issue complete with every 30 seconds being a nose wiping issue. Poor baby...
Other than that they are in pretty good moods-especially when we had animal cracker circus at lunch-Charlotte is getting pretty good with the lion imitations!
I'm getting geared up for another work week. Should be a little less hectic now that the end of the month round-up is over.
Not much else to report-just some cleaning and tidying here at the house, listening to a lot of NPR and drinking coffee.
Hope all of you have had good weekends filled with some productive relaxation-time.

hugs everybody,
Erin

purty

2008-02-24T19:58:00.000-08:00

I think I might like to try yoga... I enjoy dental hygiene...
How you doin'?!

Just a little update on the kidlings...sorry about the bibbed pic of Charlotte-I can't seem to get any good ones of her wandering around the house.

Take care, everybody, and have a good week!

-E.

it's shag, baby!

2008-02-23T19:48:00.001-08:00

If you ever get the chance, or the inkling, to check out a new music scene, our classical station has a great new program every Saturday night at 7pm called Club Mod. As I write this, I know many of you will mutter something snide about not being home at 7pm on a Saturday but...for those of you who have wee ones to pack off to Nod Land, leaving you homebound, give it a listen-either here locally on 89.9 FM on the radio or online at allclassical.org It's worth a mention as I don't think "modern" classical music gets enough good press.

Also, my newest literary craze is the poetry of Pablo Neruda. Beautiful. Truly.

and so it was, etc.

2008-02-22T21:04:00.000-08:00

the time has come, my little friend, to talk of many things...

1. movie night will be Friday or Saturday, depending on my mood.
Popcorn will be served, but only the 100 calorie packs because I'm neurotic.

2. the children will get a maximum of play time and a minimum of nag time.

3. the husband will get 40% less nag time, but only if he moves the trash can around by Saturday nights.

4. ironing will only be done on Sundays.

5. Erin will read more of her books, moving the bookmark merrily along.

On a side note:
thank you to zerd for her eloquent use of the word "jank", and for introducing it into my vocabulary.
thank you, too, to SnoopDogg's tv show, for teaching me that I can be the "boss lady".

goodnight, all

watch out for that first step, it's a doozy!

2008-02-18T14:22:00.000-08:00

had the day off today. shuttled the little ones around. Charlotte will be starting at the YMCA by our house soon. now she and Abigail will be in the same school, which means less shuttling and more snacks-yipee! methinks she is going to like it there-lots of other little tots to play with.

it is sunny here in PDX-a rarity for this time of year. I am relishing it.

had lunch with the man, looked around dusty thrift stores and actually enjoyed it!

I was going to post new pics of the wee ones but I can't find the damn camera-just had it for our trek to the OR Gorge. Oh well, I'm sure it will turn up soon enough.

Now what to do with the rest of my day...

organize the office area, eat a cupcake, and make myself a really strong espresso. maybe hunt the cat down and give him a good brushin'. we'll see...

take care friends,

me

oh to be frank

2008-02-17T14:38:00.000-08:00

sometimes we choose the wedding, sometimes we choose the funeral.

sometimes our backs are turned on what we should really be looking towards. breaking through the fog of our own delusions is often the most difficult barrier-glass ceilings be damned. where can I go with my life? why am I stagnating here? why don't I take risks? what are risks worth? where is the core of me? do I believe I have a soul? is that where "I" reside? or, like Freud, do I find myself split into three, with all the activity of my life focused in my head? I have spent too much time up there, in my head, trying to think it out, be rational, be judgemental and discerning.

I have been so angry lately, angry with myself mostly, for not taking chances, for regretting a large chunk of my life, give or take a degree or two. I think about my life and I laugh, that most of the lessons I learned only helped in hindsight, and most of the experiences I had I didn't really appreciate until years had gone by.

I am almost thirty and I have two wonderful children, a loving husband, a steady job, a nice car, a nice house, and a pretty sweet cat. What do I have to bitch about? well...

I want so much more. I want to live by the ocean and be outdoors every day. I want to have perfect skin and the perfect body. I want my children to have good teeth and good educations. I want my husband to be happy, to be healthy, to not have to struggle with diabetes and family grief every day. I want to have friends, people who really want to hang out with me and who share common interests, preferably people who have children and understand what it's like to have that be an all-consuming aspect of life. I want to go to really loud rock concerts and dance around like an idiot and not care what others think. I want to have a faith that doesn't make me sad. I want to bake a cake every week and give it to my neighbors. I want the wedding. I want the white, clean, fresh start.

shaboom shaboom

2008-01-28T20:49:00.000-08:00

is it bad when you realize you have been obsessing over the same few "character flaws" for at least 80% of your waking day?

I either need a hobby or a coke habit.

why don't my parents ever listen to their voice mail? Don't they know I leave a message because I want to communicate something? And they want to get a computer...don't know if they're ready for that kind of responsibility yet...

I love to laugh at how poorly Portlanders drive in the semi-snow conditions, but not while I'm driving with them. They make me angry in that irrational, throw shoes out the car window sort of way.

Did anyone catch the state of the union address this evening? Does anyone even care any more?

And if anyone has a cure for an HGTV addiction, please send suggestions to "my husband has an HGTV addiction, PO Box 2muchtv, our house 24/7" Thanks!

whatcha got in that bottle there, mister?

2008-01-23T20:59:00.000-08:00

In need of enlightenment? Thirsty? What if you could quench both desires at once? Try Holy Bottled Water! Yes, living water can now be found on your supermarket shelves for your shopping convenience. See this for an article published in Newsweek.

I particularly enjoyed the comment about how this new "product" helps save the planet because who would want to throw a bottle away with a picture of Mary or Jesus emblazoned on is front?

And I thought marketing couldn't get any more corrupt...